It's me.
I really like this one. Something about it just hits the sweet spot for me. I guess I'm a sucker for clever-sounding, made-up words. The concept is solid and interesting, well-executed, you're there.
I have two specific concerns, hidden under the fold and a few minor things that sound off to me.
Specific concerns:
- I'm not sure if this piece focuses on the D-class enough or brings enough new stuff to them for the contest. As far as I can tell you only need to hit a minimum standard of D-class-ness to qualify for the contest and this may well achieve that. You may be alright, you may want to focus in on the D-class more, make them more central.
- You might not want to rely on your readers' knowledge of buddhist eschatology. It might be an idea to work the creature's nature into the article somewhere. The article does work without that knowledge but knowing what it really is - especially if it has a name that folks can feel clever for now knowing - would make it stronger. Or so I think.
Minor things:
Publicly, Site-999 is to be known as an archaeological research site with access restrictions.
Sounds a little informal, perhaps "A cover story has been promulgated stating that Site-999 is an archaeological research site and has access restrictions."
Although SCP-# is no longer present,
The way I read the end of the article, the object is still present but dormant again. Did I misunderstand.
gnosophagic1
Love it!
Any information pertaining to Buddhism that are within SCP-#'s area of effect will disappear at 1.3 s after entry.
If the effect is caused by a sapient entity capable of independant action then it seems a bit odd that it always takes effect at exactly 1.3 seconds. Wouldn't it sometimes be distracted or elsewhere? Or just take longer to act on some kinds of things?
Observation identifies tears shed from D-4781 at 1.3 s after entry
If the effect occurred at exactly 1.3 seconds the guy would take at least a few tenths of a second to start crying, surely?
You can say that.
Usually that would be "You could say that." Is this a regional version I'm unfamiliar with?
Like a weight is added onto you.
Again; unusual, slightly jarring phrasing. I'd expect "Like a weight was bearing down on me."
That's all I've got right now.
Anyways; you've got my upvote.
I'm not sure if this piece focuses on the D-class enough or brings enough new stuff to them for the contest.
Indeed. I did consider that strongly, but I plan to leave it to the judges to make their ruling on that matter. I will consider adding more muscle to the D-class, if necessary (since I am going for a shorter article this time).
The article does work without that knowledge but knowing what it really is - especially if it has a name that folks can feel clever for now knowing - would make it stronger. Or so I think.
I have something in mind… but I can't find the words to express it well. That will be: When inside the cavity, you can see seven suns in the sky. That references the Sermon of Seven Suns, an end of the world event in some schools of Buddhism.
Alternatively, I can go for the SCP-# expressing that the Buddha is still remembered and not forgotten.
Due to the public nature of the site SCP-# is located at
the site in which SCP-# is located
Site-999 is to be established for containment
suggest "has been established"
via remote means
remotely?
at least 5 s
I would suggests using "seconds", it's clearer
When recovered
suggest "after recovery" or "following recovery"
the material used to be inspected for any alterations.
is to be
Any information pertaining to Buddhism that are inside
any information pertaining to Buddhism present inside
will disappear within 5 s after entry.
of entry
This extends to physical objects, all forms of media and human memory.
this is okay, but I suggest "physical objects and all forms of media, as well as human memory"
SCP-#'s anomalous effect is no longer present and it is believed to be dormant. Cause is unknown.
suggest "Following Test #6, SCP-# ceased to manifest its effect, and is now believed to be dormant. Cause is unknown." (also, not sure if "dormant" is appropriate for tone) (also, for clarity, I suggest adding these two sentences at the end of the test log, separately from Test 6)
a monochromatic photograph
"black and white" would work just as well, I think, and feel more natural
and left our world from their jailhouses
"through" or "in" would work better, I think, but I'm not sure. It's an awkward sentence.
Let we proceed with the test
let us
D-4781: Yea.
is this a typo?
Dr. Ma: You told me just now.
suggest "you told me earlier"
I do remember speaking to you just now
suggest "speaking to you before"
So something teachings exists still.
maybe "So… something… teachings exist still." for clarity; also, exist, not exists
You seem to have it rough today.
suggest "you've had a rough day"
Subsequent tests on SCP-# have been negative.
too vague
The disappearance of the Buddhas of Bamiyan was initially identified by local militiamen based at Bamiyan, who reported the incident to state officials. Subsequently, Foundation personnel were invited by the Afghan leadership to aid in investigation. After a period of discussion with the Afghan leadership, a cover story that the monuments were destroyed via explosives was established and disseminated.
I feel this would work better in the description; here, it feels out of place.
Thoughts
- I quite like the basic idea, it's low-key but intriguing. As it is, though, this does feel a bit thin. I would suggest adding more of a story, and/or exploring the anomaly in a more in-depth manner (for example, I'm not clear whether this is a good being who's waiting for the decline of Buddha to come out again and help the world, or some evil being who annihilates all references to Buddhism and bides its time until Buddhism is forgotten and it can come out - I'm pretty sure it's the former, but I feel that could be made clearer and/or expanded upon, and make the skip more interesting for the reader.)
- The gnostophagia aspect is also intriguing, but how did they come to that conclusion? The only insight we have about what goes on inside the cave (at the end of the last interview) doesn't mention "feeding", or that the entity somehow survives on Buddhist knowledge. Maybe clarify that?
- IMO neither one of the two interviews is necessary. I like them enough, and they're well-written, but I felt that they added no necessary information, simply rehashing the same info already given in the last entry of the test log.
- I agree that this probably isn't D-class-oriented enough for the contest (especially in view of my feelings on the interviews, which feature all of the D-class interaction), but I could be wrong. Regardless, though, the skip has definite potential.
Other minor nitpick: the cover story is that the Buddha statues were destroyed with explosives, which is inconsistent with the (great) picture, as it shows a smooth outline in the rockface, where the statue used to be. Maybe go with a different cover story?
