Do you think you're free?
Today was the first time in a fortnight that I've had time to write, so my D Class contest entry will have to be a coldpost. I hope you enjoy it.
Boxes / Discussion
This is the discussion related to the wiki page Boxes.
I too know the pain of no-writing-time.
This is solid, well-written and a beautiful character piece. More than that; it's one of the best suggestions for D(V?)-Class numbers-making-up that makes sense to me.
Well done.
Ohooo I like this one. It’s a VERY different kind of D-Class tale and it is great. Even the title, goddamn.
There’s so many different directions this ending could be going in. He could be set against an SCP to be tested with, he could be testing a slightly different variety of amnesiac medication, he could actually be working with a Foundation front company for a legitimate drug trial. It’s set up so mundanely, and it’s really, really up to the reader to decide which direction it’d go in the end.
Hell, his friend in the car accident – was it really a car accident? Or was that a D-Class casualty and Foundation-tier obfuscation of what really happened? A LOT of SCPs could totally fuck up your body and be blamed on a car accident easily (173 is the first that comes to mind), or maybe it was the Foundation setting it to look like one, and using embedded police/emergency workers to play it as such. Or maybe he actually got in a car accident, since that’s a thing that actually happens.
This is probably one of my favourite tales of this contest.
Thanks very much, Dexanote. I wanted to take a very different approach to the contest, and I was a bit surprised that no-one else got in first.
I also wanted the ending (and indeed many of the other hints throughout the tale) to be left ambiguous. Without the context of the site, there is actually nothing here to confirm the existence of the anomalous - everything is up to the reader to intuit.
Eh, the switch from D to V seems a little out of left field, but other than that there was a lot of character to this tale. Having people volunteer to be a D-class for cash is also an interesting take on D-class recruitment.
+1. Its a short tale, but its nice all the same.
I like it, but I think you went a bit too subtle. If this wasn't on the SCP wiki there would be nothing whatsoever to imply it's a foundation tale. Suggestions:
1. Include the complete company name somewhere
2. Give the narrator more doubt about Jim's death
3. Change V back to D, or at least mention D somewhere.
Not necessarily all of these, but at least one.
Thanks for your comments, Khaim. I was aiming for subtlety, but I have been wondering how this will come across outside the context of the D-Class contest (let alone outside the site).
V is of course for volunteer, as CirclesAndSquares notes below - I used it primarily for irony value, and also to denote that this is a slightly different depiction of the Foundation to usual, but I'm not hung up on it.
I was also wary about putting the full company name in, as using the acronym annoys some voters. And if you and C&S realised that there was more to the company name, doesn't that mean the subtle approach was working? :) However as I end up using it twice, I might make Amy say "Smith-Cline Pharmaceuticals" the second time.
In terms of doubt about Jim's death, I don't think that the narrator has much reason to doubt it. But perhaps I can flag it to the reader, by saying "A drunk driver, according to the police" - I came very close to including that in the first place.
There are a few other small changes I'll probably make after the contest period is over (noting here to remind me):
- changing the first description of the clouds to a "lid"
- describing the buildings as squat
- changing cloud colour from pigeon-feathers to dishwater
ETA: changes now made.
I get that V is for volunteer, perhaps, but I think it's a mistake to change it. I did like the implication of amnestics and his friends untimely end. I agree with Khaim on presenting the full company name. I will definitely upvote this after the contest, but as it stands I feel it falls short of some of the others.
Thanks for the feedback, CirclesAndSquares. If you have a second, I'd be interested to know where this is currently falling short - the exigencies of the deadline meant that I haven't had the chance to get as much input as I'd normally like.
IMO, subtlety is great. Everyone needs subtlety in their life. Ze more subtlety, ze better!
I think this is just perfect as it is now. Why those (tiny!) changes, Psul? Just wondering!
Already upvoted, now off to read the rest of the tales, but so far this is my favourite. Shall come back for confirmation when I'm done reading. ;>
Thanks for the kind words, Eta.
Why those (tiny!) changes, Psul?
They're mostly cosmetic. "Lid" fits with my constant references to different types of boxes, without being too obtrusive. "Squat" and "dishwater" are to reinforce the dull, oppressive language of the piece, which is designed to fit with the atmosphere I'm trying to generate.
Subtlety galore, I see! ;>
(can 'galore' be used with a non-countable noun?) ;>
This resonates. I was not expecting to see something drawing from the experiences of working people and the problems they face, but this is probably one of the more realistic takes on how subjects would be recruited. Your protagonist really felt like a person as I read their account, and I especially like how his better judgment kind of starts to emerge, but then gets overruled by his need to pay the bills on a few occasions. There's a deftness of writing in there that's very satisfying to read.
Also, I appreciate your not having the person say "Pharmaceuticals" as part of the company name. I wouldn't have changed my vote because of it, but it's such a huge lapse in logic that I have a difficult time with it.
Definitely one of my favorite of the contest. Very nice work.
Thanks very much, Kalinin. This rather obviously came from thinking about the closest real-world analogues to human guinea-pigs, and from drug trials to thinking about the types of people who might want or need to do them.
From there, writing the Foundation as having a major role in class warfare was a logical next step. If I could go back in time, this would be my entry to the Dystopia contest.
By relation to other contest entries, I think my Foundation here is most similar to the one in What Ever Happened?, and I would argue that this story is more or less the same conversation as in Untitled, except that in my case neither party realises that they're having it.
For what it's worth, I had the same idea regarding "V-class." Unlike you, I've done bugger all with the idea. Anyway V-Class are the future.
I think the whole D-class hand wave is a shame (I'm talking generally, not re this article) and there is so much space to explore and imagine and create if we don't blindly accept that D-class have to exist because of "site canon."
If the Foundation cannot use death row fodder, how do they test these insane things? That's worth exploring.
+1 and up the V-class. Let's make this a thing and dump something that will eventually be seen as belonging to the LolFoundation era (or at least something that only has a place in the dark underworld of totalitarian dictatorships).
This story is great — the subtlety is what really makes it, as other people pointed out above. There's so much that's left open to interpretation. We know that probably something terrible happened to the narrator's friend, and maybe something terrible is going to happen to him… but maybe that's just our paranoia.
I love the crosslink, and I really like the idea of v-class. There'd be tons of very basic experiments on newly contained objects to find out if they're safe to look at/handle/be around, where they wouldn't really expect anything bad to happen, but need to make sure. You can't go around kidnapping a homeless person every time you need to do something like that :)
Well done! I’m impressed with this! And because the ending is so ambiguous I kind of like to think they take better care of the V-class than the D-class, giving them basic duties and maybe testing them with objects they are fairly certain won’t cause major harm. This was a really feelsy piece and well worth the +1!
I'm pleased that you enjoyed it - I was definitely aiming for particular kinds of feels (uneasy and a little claustrophobic) with this one. The ending certainly allows for a range of headcanons about this iteration of the Foundation - I'm afraid mine is less optimistic than yours!
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page revision: 2, last edited: 30 Oct 2017 00:04
