This draft has some spelling and grammar errors ("minuets" really stood out), and it's not really in scientific tone ("The aforementioned details lead researchers to believe that SCP-XXXX is targeting the Foundation in some way, it is very worrying." stands out as an example of where you really miss scientific tone). The 682 mention doesn't add anything to the article, and you might get side-eyed for adding it in.
I would really like to get this thing out there as personally i think it to be a mediocre idea. So if you have the time, could you review my scp and give me some final thoughts. Thanks for reading and
FIND SANDBOX HERE: http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/nonahedrix
I'm on mobile right now so I can't easily cite from the text, but this struck me as an article lacking very crucial elements of technical writing. The idea struck me as a bit boring, to be frank.
My main textual point I can make from mobile is the lack of complete containment procedures; what are teams supposed to do when they reach an affected site? How are normal researchers releasing scips when they likely don't have clearance? Et cetera.
Going to echo what was previously said—the clinical tone needs a ton of work if you want the document to sound even close to what would pass for something written by a professional scientist.
Some basic things:
- Always capitalize Foundation when using it as a proper noun.
- Do not refer to the SCP object with a title. "The Noise" is not an appropriate way to designate the SCP object.
- Do not put description in the containment procedures.
- "Affected", not "effected".
- Do not state that "containment is impossible" when there are clearly containment procedures in place.
- Do not refer to SCP objects as "SCP's". In-universe, "SCPs" refers to the containment procedures, and tends to be more of a slang usage than something that would be in an actual SCP article.
Overall, the idea itself is pretty bland. It's a noise that Foundation personnel hear… but there's no way to study it. How can anyone tell if it's actually a noise and not a hallucination?
Also, pretty much all of Dr. █████'s dialogue is either cliche or kind of cringe-inducing because of the cheesiness. The whole "Have you ever wondered what we're doing is right? I mean all of these innocent creatures, all of these living breathing things. They deserve to be free." and "This Foundation sickens me." bits make me wonder why this doctor was even allowed near any sentient/autonomous/etc SCP objects to begin with. You'd think the psychologists doing routine evals would pick up on someone apparently so obviously against the Foundation's core purpose.
I say take this to the Ideas and Brainstorming forum to get the conceptualization cleaned up before you try to work on the draft again.
Thanks a lot, this was more of a test as i wanted to try and see how all this stuff worked, but i gave it my all. I will try to edit the idea more and maybe come up with an edited version that makes more sense i guess, or maybe ill just abandon the idea and leave it as a test. Either way thanks for the feedback and opinions, i needed it.