This is my second attempt at an scp. My last ended up like most first articles on this website; overpowered interdimensional game cartridge from hell! I tried to keep this one short and sweet but it does look a bit cliche. Like to know what you think.
"Object class" you need to capitalize Class here.
You miss scientific tone in a lot of places, and the article doesn't have much of a hook or tell much of a story. It's also incredibly short. Have you read some of the Series Three articles to get a good idea of current site standards? I'd recommend that you do so.
You've got potential here, but it needs more development.
How do the instances interact with each other? Are the oblivious to the world outside their jar? Do they ever approach the edge of the jar or interact with it? Can the jar be opened? Are there other such jars? If so, are
And when someone drops it, why not have them become an instance inside the jar? I mean, the new instance has to come from somewhere, right?
I have added a backstory, fleshed out the description a bit and added the missing information to the addendum. Critical feedback, especially on the tone, would be greatly appreciated.
Yeah, that story isn't the way to take this.
Let me put it to you this way: you have a good chance to take this in multiple directions. Off the top of my head, this could have one or more of the following elements…
- Jar that allows you to peer into an alternate reality, centered on a house
- Jar that's similar to some kind of terrarium for an eldritch abomination
- Persons inside don't move when not observed by people
- Persons inside act normal and live a normal life, ignoring the outside of the jar.
- Persons inside know there's an outside and new instances try to excape for a period of time.
- Persons inside are forced to live in a rural 1800's lifestyle, new instances show no desire to leave after a period of time and appear to fully assimilate with other instances.
And what you've done is to make "Thing what kills you #1387" by having the instances more-or-less devour anyone who drops it. You have all sorts of directions to take with a group of people that's being kept in a jar with a house, and you go with the one that kills and eats people for no discernible reason, just like many other things on the site.
Also, note that being unable to communicate with the instances does not mean that they're non-sapient. As people inside apparently can't be physically interacted with (beyond leaving items for them to use), it stands to reason that you may not be able to communicate in any straightforward manner as well.
Ok Dankaar, how's this new idea? Under the eldrich terrarium tab.
A lot better; now this thing has a memorable identity attacted to it.
However, I feel that this could use more fleshing out.
Best place to start is here at…
SCP-XXXX-1 is incredibly manipulative and has made many attempts to persuade personel to break the SCP-XXXX for its own freedom. Most coomun persuasion technique is with the promise of riches. However SCP-XXXX acted out a D-class personel's termination and offered to help set him free.
In this scenario, you've stumbled over the issue of "telling" instead of "showing". Here, you might want to think of replacing it with an interview or test log. Instead of telling us that the instance is manipulative, show us how he's manipulative. Maybe have it start off as overtly manipulative ("break this jar and I'll reward you with a lot of gold!") Amd change to to being more subtle at it ("Hey, you're a new guy? Look, this jar your employers put me in is getting really stuffy, and they have a larger one in storage for me. They're gonna switch me out of this one, and you'd probably do them a favor by breaking this one right here. Yeah, breaking the jar is the only way to get me in the other one. Don't worry, the switch will be instatanious. Whaddya say?"). This may indicate the instance is tailoring their escape attempts to fit the current situation.
Thus could lead to an incident report where soneone breaks the jar; though in this scenario I'd avoid a cliche "switcheroo", since that's an obvious route to take. Maybe have it possess someone, not necessarily the guy who broke it? Nor an overt possession where the guy goes all "Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain" on everyone.
Finally, maybe add some test logs that shows what the instance does when taken outside of its jar?
I have added an interview log, i might change it as it does seem a little far feched. What do you think? Also I'm not sure a test log would add much to the scp, what would i put in it?
I'd suggest more than just the one, and show a change of tactics between each interview.
Establishing the SCP as manipulative isn't going to take a single interview unless you're purposefully hamfisting it that he's bad at it. If that is the case, then you'll need a change of tone, maybe showing him as being too quick-tempered to pull off a con.
Also I'm not sure a test log would add much to the scp, what would i put in it?
Well, for starters, you should expand on…
SCP-XXXX-1 can leave SCP-XXXX, if the lid is left open, but can only stay 2 meters of SCP-XXXX.
The guy can be temporarily let out of his cage. This detail is irrelevant and distracting if you don't do anything with it. If you want to keep it, you need to flesh it in with the narrative more.
Also, have you been using chat for additional reviews?
It has been a while, hasn't it?
I am having trouble doing the interview. The plan is to have a researcher brought to tears from the scp as a side effect of a failed escape plan. The foundation then try again but with a psychopathic D class but this ends with the d class getting pissed off at the skip and getting shot.
Help will be greatly appreciated.
On a side note i cannot join the chat, nickserv will not send me a confirmation email. Is there anyone in particular i should ask for help from?