This is my first attemp for a Joke SCP. Critique and recomendations are welcome.
You can check it here: http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/nehematcontest
Regards.
~ What´cha mean we are not gettin´paid for this? I´m outta here.
This is my first attemp for a Joke SCP. Critique and recomendations are welcome.
You can check it here: http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/nehematcontest
Regards.
~ What´cha mean we are not gettin´paid for this? I´m outta here.
which is to be stored in a anti-mater
Firstly, the 'a' should be an 'an'.
Secondly, did you misspell 'matter' intentionally?
Rubik´s
What's up with your apostrophes? They look kinda weird.
aproved
'Approved'.
in a isolated
"…in an isolated…"
All items that came in contact with SCP-017T during testing
Unless you're referencing a specific incident, it should be 'come into contact', not 'came into contact'.
are to be used on SCP-017T-J
It would sound more professional if you said "…are to be introduced to…"
I understand that this is a joke SCP, but in my opinion the joke comes from the juxtaposition between the sillyness and the seriousness. The best joke articles that I've read have been silly about 30% of the time, and 70% of the time they read like something scientific and professional.
If you don't agree, keep it.
NO MEXICAN PERSONNEL IS TO BE IN CHARGE
I think it would sound better if you said "are" in charge instead of "is".
is an serving
Is a serving.
of five (5) STOP THAT [EXPLETIVE] FORMATING
It should be 'formatting'.
since its containment in
Since their containment in.
Its most remarkable anomalous trait
This sounds like something a captivated human scientist would write. Generally, the feeling that you're going for with these articles is a cold, detached researcher that has a purely objective view of the whole scenario. Going back to the juxtaposition thing, the comedy effect is weakened if it breaks character when it's not supposed to.
I would say "primary anomalous trait" or something instead.
any and all puzzle will be solved by an unknown mean
The grammar here is pretty awkward. I suggest you write it more like
"When a puzzle of this nature is introduced to the active zone of SCP-017T-J, it will be solved through means currently unknown."
for easier readability.
I bet is ancient aztec magic
'I bet that it is ancient Aztec magic.'
Shut up Kyle
There should be a comma after "Shut up".
Class-T amnesiacs
An amnesiac is someone who has lost their memory.
An amnestic is a make-believe class of drug that induces amnesia.
Also, there isn't a Class-T amnesiac (to my knowledge). If you're going for the exaggerated-out-of-proportion humor with it, though, ignore this comment.
Looks like little pricks took their time
Looks like the little pricks took their time.
Then [REDACTED]
I feel like a [DATA EXPUNGED] should go here instead.
My personal philosophy is that [REDACTED] says 'you don't need to know this', and [DATA EXPUNGED] says 'your security clearance isn't high enough— you should not know this.'
Not a bad idea.
Thanks, man. Grammar issues solved (Sorry, I´m kinda getting my grip in english back).
The amnestics are for comedy, but I guess it didn´t work.
I´ve always went by the idea that [REDACTED] is for censored information (stuff you don´t need to know nor have enough clearance) and [DATA EXPUNGED] is for deleted information (for safety reasons).
~ What´cha mean we are not gettin´paid for this? I´m outta here.
What's up with your apostrophes? They look kinda weird.
If English is not your first language, then what's happening is that the apostrophe used is a different character than the the standard English apostrophe character:
Standard English apostrophe: ' (U+0027)
Apostrophe used: ´ (Acute accent, U+0301)
Depending on the keyboard used, use of the acute accent might be easier than the apostrophe.
In my opinion, a great joke SCP article tends to be an overreaction on need for containment, or procedures for containment; not just something wacky. For example, SCP-1543-J isn't funny to me because it flings things into the sun. What's funny about it is the implications of an incredibly important and respected foundation resorting to such a tactic.
That said, this has potential. I suggest trying to give it more consistency, though; it's best to have one underlying theme, even if it is to a joke.
But hey, I've never written a J-class, so take this with a few grains of salt max.