I've been inactive for a while, but I've had this idea in the back of my head for a long time now. I worked on this for a couple days, and I'm going to be honest, I was a little afraid to post it here, but here I go.
The interview is not needed, information repeats multiple times. I would recommend that you remove all repeated information that is shown in the interview from the description and addendum and don't collapse the interview.
I don't see much of a deeper meaning behind this but the recovery and origins is a bit of a plot. I don't know how well this will go down on the main site
Hi! I'd like to start off by saying you have a great concept in a humanoid, and avoided the basic errors that come with making one (ie, give it everything it wants, its a keter that can destroy everything.)
However, I noticed a contradiction in standard humanoid containment cell, because you proceeded to describe a standard humanoid containment cell, when those taking care of containment would already know what that is.
I also noticed a typo in the addendum; you forgot a space after a period.
I think it would be a good idea if it kinda lost a little ash as the day went by (not too much, but like a cups worth), that's why it needs to eat and such. It would be interesting if the bed needed to be changed daily to get the ash out, and the floor swept similarly.
Overall, a nice first humanoid. GL.
I like the idea and I can see something coming about it. Like Jack says, it avoids a lot of the cliques of a typical humanoid SCP. Although there are some problems.
1. Why is it Euclid? I understand it is sentient but it is otherwise harmless and compliant. To boot it is pretty easy to contain.
2. I still don't see why the CC is that long either, just say something like "standard humanoid containment cell" or something and then say "Fed regularly." or something along those lines. Also there isn't really any point to the two level-2 "security officers" if it doesn't really try to escape and isn't really that valuable. Also two level-2 security officers sounds funny to me. Just say like, a guard etc.
3. Particularly in the CC you say the word "should" a lot. You should (excuse the pun) replace it with common words or use "must" or something.
4. There is a missing space in the Addendum.
5. Bodily functions without bodily organs is sort of a clique I see a lot, maybe just me being nitpicky.
Otherwise I see a lot of potential in this, the origin story with a bit of sprucing up could be compelling as well as interviews. Good luck, humanoids can be pretty hard to write. Also if you dig around enough you might be able to find an image similar to your SCP that could really improve the whole look of the article.
This would be euclid because it sapiant.
Some sapient humanoids are classified Safe, though. I think we have at least one terminally-ill humanoid that while effectively autonomous and capable of advanced thought, needs medication and Foundation assistance to stay healthy.
Thank you for the critique, I analyzed your points.
1) I see your point, I just thought is should've been Euclid as it is capable of free will and that it chooses to be compliant.
2) I agree my containment procedures are a little (or very) specific, in a previous draft of a different idea, I was told that my containment procedures were a little confusing. Now that you say it, "two level two" guards sounds funny.
3) I do say "should" a lot. I'll edit to re-word them.
4) Fixed, thank you Jack Evereds
5) "Bodily functions without bodily organs", I never noticed that was common. Thank you for taking interest in my really weird idea (nevermind, I just realized that most all skips are weird). Most images are copyrighted, and on top, it'll be difficult to find a picture of ashes piled up like a person. How do you find images anyways?
it'll be difficult to find a picture of ashes piled up like a person
Just google it and scroll down quite far, the internet is a weird place. Or try making one nvm, stupid idea.
Edit: try looking for the pompeii ashes.
Found something that could be an image with the undertag: "SCP-XXXX in a temporary holding cell."
One idea is to have organs consisting of more compressed and darker ash, then you could add some tests etc. of how they function.
Well, that is a good suggestion, but I intentionally made the humanoid be composed of ash entirely as to add mystery to how it functions.
Just as a question, do you have any improvements I could make to the current version? I want to get that out of the way before I add any experiments. Thanks!
Edits suggested have been made. I also added some more backstory. Tell me what you think of it. The interview and experiment is kept in collapsibles because I was thinking of adding more, but I wanted to know about the current version.