Here's my attempt at an SCP. Constructive criticism appreciated.
Overall: 4/10, would probably downvote as is, and no-vote if cleaned up. To me, this is lacking a charm or spark; it didn't make me feel anything, I frankly didn't really catch anything to make me give a hoot about the folks.2
I would also personally recommend against showing a Judaic inspired (or similar, anyways) culture as one of primitive people, seducers, or anatomically "freakish" given how pervasive anti-Semitism still is.
First off, thanks for the response. I'll take your revising suggestions into account.I didn't intend any anti-Semitism. Please try to think a little harder about what SCP-XXXX-C are supposed to be.
1) See point above on the spectum-y nature of characteristics in nature and how "male" might not be the most accurate descriptor; 2) would suggest using something akin to "SCP-XXXX-D are humans, and of typical height in comparison to instances of SCP-XXXX-C. Manifesting from SCP-XXXX-C ritual functions, they dress in white robes [perhaps list details of the garment, and any decor such as jewelry, etc]."
Just because something looks human doesn't mean that it is. Especially not these folks.
Also, please note that I wrote "average" height. Would it help if I reduced it to one digit after the decimal point?
And no offense intended, but I think you're going overboard on the intersex thing. Most census-derived data doesn't list the average height of intersexuals populations, last I checked.
I didn't actually make the Nephilim connection! Been a while since I've gone through any Abrahamic religious texts, not gonna lie. I would say that being accidentally anti-Semitic is still a potential, but to that end not something I could decide.
If they are anything other than strange, tall humans, specifying how might work better. So far, they sound like a race of odd anartists stuck in an anomalous crack in the world.
When talking averages, it would at least look better to use a single digit, yes.
Also, 1.7 percent of human births are intersex. 1.7% of 7.5 billion people would be 127,500,000 people. This is a considerable chunk of human beings. As an intersex person myself, I do not find this to be an insignificant number by any means. Source, this and this. Both original texts have sources on statistics.
Okay, thanks for the further critiquing.
And really, I don't have anything against intersexuals, but a Google search on "average height of men/women" in particular countries turned up instant results; doing the same for intersexuals did not. If you want to achieve recognition for intersex people, then that's fine by me, but this is a website for speculative fiction, not affirmative action. (I've changed it to an average for all genders, and thrown in a population statistic; feel free to assume the same proportions exist there as in real-life Earth.) And I still think you're slightly overstating the likelihood of the article being taken as anti-Semitic.
I respectfully disagree with your point on Judaism. Implying that one would be making jabs at Jewish peoples due to an article of this nature really seems like grasping at straws. There is no outright anti-Semitism in this draft at all, nor do I see any implications of subtle anti-Semitic messages.
Thanks, man. What's your opinion on the article itself?
I decided not to critique it so as to not muddy the waters of the thread. To put it concisely, I found nothing wrong with it. I find reading about anything related to the Torah/Kabbalah to be vastly compelling, so I'm a bit biased on that front. That being said take my opinion with a grain of salt. I'd wait for more criticism before posting it on the mainsite. You may also want to get the opinions of the folks over at site19 too.
It's the IRC chat for the site. It's for general discussion and draft critique. Just click the link, follow the instructions to sign up, and you're good to go. Whenever you go there for feedback, just let everyone know you have a draft that you need feedback on and post your sandbox page link.
Hey, I'd love to hear your full opinion.
Do you mean my opinion or one of the other reviewers? Sorry, I'm confused.
Other than that though, again, I really love this and I would like to see this as an entry on the mainsite. Again, take my words with a grain of salt. I've been lurking for quite awhile though I've not made a SCiP myself so take that into account. I look forward to further submissions of yours!