I have a small collection of articles I've started writing, mostly based on ideas that popped up out of nowhere. I like them, but I don't know if anyone else would, or if they've already been done. Writing all three of this is a fun way to pass time, and I hope that they're as likable to everyone else as they are to me.
"The not very definitive answer to the age-old question: who would win in a fight?"
I've been lurking for a while, and an interesting thing I keep seeing is "What if [famously dangerous, unkillable SCP] were stuck in a box with [another dangerous, unkillable SCP]?" It's honestly mystifying that it comes up so often, especially considering that act in the context of canon. Yes, the Foundation totally would stick two incredibly dangerous and unkillable things in the same room on the off-chance that they might fight and maybe one might die.
But it happens a lot, and I can see the appeal in sticking two big, bad things in a box and watching the fight. It's something that comes up whenever fans of something gather together and start talking. The question of who would win? is a staple of children's debates about superheroes, of anime fans, and people all over.
So what if something could answer that question?
What I'm trying to go for is an enclosed glass box on an opaque base with a wide slot and a button on one side. When two pictures are fed into the slot and the button is pressed, the box creates miniature clones of the creatures pictured, and then they fight. Contrary to what the box says, it's not the definitive answer to who would win in a fight, and the results are decided randomly.
Honestly I think this is the weakest of the ideas I've been working on. It's basically a random result generator, I'm still missing some pieces, and seems like the kind of thing that's been done before by better people.
"Are you always HUNGRY, but never have anything to SNACK ON? Are you in SORE NEED of a FUN and EXCITING new way to EAT? Well here's your answer! BEEFPASTE, the PINNACLE of snack food technology! (WARNING: Keep BEEFPASTE away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes, skin, mucous membranes, and clothing. Do not swallow BEEFPASTE or BEEFPASTE-related products. If swallowed, seek immediate medical attention. If BEEFPASTE comes in contact with skin, eyes, or mucous membranes, seek immediate medical attention.)"
I really want to continue writing this like a cheesy ad, but I won't. BEEFPASTE is… Well, BEEFPASTE is what happens when you're messing around with a random item generator. I got meat and lotion, and something sparked in my imagination.
BEEFPASTE is basically a tube full of paste, roughly the same size and dimensions as a toothpaste tube. When applied to a surface, BEEFPASTE provides you with a well-cooked selection of meats, only some of which are BEEF. Rub some on a table? Enjoy a massive steak. Dab some on a pencil? You've got yourself some nice new jerky! Just don't get on your hands! And definitely don't swallow it.
I don't know how strong of an idea this is, but it's really fun to write, and I think it has some potential. Although that's not saying much, since it's my idea.
(Also, after spending so much time writing BEEFPASTE, I feel compelled to continue writing beef in all-caps. BEEFPASTE could even have a secondary effect where people who try to describe BEEFPASTE have to do so in an EXCITED and CAPITALLY ENERGETIC manner!!)
I pitched this idea to a long-time SCP member and close friend as "a ball what turns people into trees when watered." (Despite it not really being a ball, I have a tendency to call it one for convenience.)
Since I'm not friends with most of you, leaving my pitch at that isn't acceptable. Unfortunately, I don't have nearly as interesting of a pitch for this item as I do the rest of my list. Mostly because it has a different story and different intention behind it; this lump, despite my tendency to describe it in odd or unflattering terms, is what I've put the most of my work into.
I started thinking about how an item goes from being discovered to having containment procedures that work to keep it contained. Some things are easy, or have intuitive containment procedures. But what about the things that show up out of nowhere, where the Foundation only has some of all the information it needs? The Foundation won't automatically know what to do, and will only learn the best way to keep something contained through experimentation, trial, and error. Which seems obvious, but it's common to see things go from being discovered to having these very specific containment procedures with no in-between.
So that's how I got to what I have now. The ball was found after reports of weird trees and missing people show up in conjunction in the same small area. Initially thought to the work of another SCP, the grove of trees was incinerated, and the root lump was found. Its effect is pretty simple: when it's exposed to water, people within a certain distance of it start turning into trees. So if the thing only works in water, then it makes sense to just stick it in a box and forget about it, right?
But things are rarely ever that simple. The ball still turns people into trees when they get too close, and the containment procedures are revised after some experimentation reveals that the ball strips air of evaporated water to still work, but with vastly reduced effectiveness. Containment procedures are revised again, sticking the ball in a box with a dehumidifier. Now the ball is completely contained, and people aren't being turned into trees at all anymore.
That works for a few months, but then things go wrong. In a sudden burst of activity from something that hadn't been doing much, the ball takes matters of not being watered into its own hands—roots?—and busts into the water main, tree-ifying a significant number of people at the site it'd been contained at. Which lands us at the most current, and effective, method of containment: stick it in a box a little bit away from the rest of the site, water it twice a week, and make sure nobody gets too close to it.
It's basically another thing that turns things into other things, although I'm hoping that the focus being less on the effect of tree-ing people and more figuring out what to do with a mysterious tree ball might help on that front.
Being first ideas, I know none of these are going to be gems, but advice and critique can always help to better a bland idea.