Hey guys, my previous draft attempt was shot down, for reasons that are now much more apparent to me thanks to a number of more experienced authors, so I thought I might take things in a slightly different direction. The tone and progression might need some work, and I see potential for a, perhaps, more interesting direction. Any and all feedback from more experienced authors, especially on tone and concept would really be appreciated.
I'm actually very iffy on the whether or not I should retain the chemotaxis bit, it leans toward "Oh look, thing what eats you when it's hungry" and I'm not sure if thats really what I want to aim for here. Any additional input would be helpful.