Looking for feedback on something I've been working on for a while. Check the tab "Dracula's Stake". The test logs are not complete, but should be enough to give you an idea of where things are going.
The concept is solid, but I think you're writing this too much from the point of view of explaining the idea to the reader and not from the point of view of a Foundation researcher studying it. There are places in here that read in a conversational tone rather than in a clinical one.
The other end shows considerable fraying and damage apparently due to impacts from a blunt object.
I would write this as "The object's base shows fraying and other damage consistent with repeated impacts from a blunt object."
Testing has shown that SCP-XXXX instills a strong psychic compulsion when picked up or touched by anyone familiar with European vampiric legends or who has seen or read anything mentioning the fictional character known as "Dracula" and/or vampires.
If they've read anything about Dracula, doesn't that assume they've read about vampires? If so, what does Dracula have to do with it? Is there a difference in effect between someone who has read about Dracula and someone who has only read stories about lesser vampires?
(I'm imagining someone who isn't aware of Dracula expecting a higher-up to be Count Chocula, draining the chocolate from the bodies of his victims with his thin rodent teeth.)
Furthermore, do they specifically have to know that vampires can be killed with wooden stakes, or is it enough to have an awareness of European vampires in general? How exactly does the psychic effect trigger? (Although I don't like the Foundation using the word 'psychic' because it indulges in pseudoscience rather than using their own more materialist terms like "cognitohazard".)
Thus, it becomes possible for one person in a village to convince his or her entire village that the local landowner in his castle up on the hill is actually a vampire.
This is one of those conversational bits I'm referring to. You don't need to explain a hypothetical use of verbal transmission; instead, you should rely on factual descriptions of what the Foundation knows has happened.
Updated! I'm kinda stuck though on where to go with the test logs, this thing is getting too big I think.
Please don't bump threads, that can get spammy fast.
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