I've been working an an SCP for a couple of months now and I think it's almost ready. Any critiques are appreciated!
The syringe itself is made of an unbreakable metal that has not been discovered on Earth or in any Foundation records previously.
I'm going to call foul on this "indestructible" trait. Does it have meaning to the rest of the article? Or is it there to pile up various anomalous effects without thinking it through? Even the hardest materials can be broken up, so that statement does not feel believable. And when you deal with fiction, there is a limit when the suspense of disbelief falls apart. So you would want to conserve the fictional aspects and not overload them.
Okay, this is a serum that converts humans into robots. The basic premises is already in SCP-217, so it is hardly a novel concept. I find that you are using a lot of "this is indestructible, unexplainable" trope here, which can be quite lazy to shove a majority of the article to "it is not known". I feel that a greater overall sense of the unknown can be created when you contrast it with what is already known, which I don't see here.
As for the story here, you have used a series of tests… which drone on more or less the same conclusion. The final test log was not all that impressive. It shows some degree of incompetence that could be avoided, since they already have an idea that the anomaly represents certain danger.
Thus, I recommend you to rethink the entire concept from scratch. Like, why is the serum only generated from that particular syringe? Why's the point of making people into -2 instances? What is intended for? What stories can you express with that?
I did actually begin completely reworking the Scip, and the indestructibility is due to the fact that the syringe isn't made of molecules or other smaller parts that can be moved or severed. It's a completely solid object at all levels of magnification, and doesn't deform.
Edit: Complete revision complete. New critiques appreciated!
the syringe isn't made of molecules or other smaller parts that can be moved or severed. It's a completely solid object at all levels of magnification, and doesn't deform.
Consider Occam's razor. Simpler things are easier to work with. It's not to say that a syringe cannot be made of "complete solids that do not consist of molecules" (which would easily constitute an anomaly in itself, with its own implication due to that property), but you have to make it make sense in your SCP. Considering that the main point of the article is not the material composition, this can come off as an attempt to pile up various anomalous effects without justification (unless it is intended as a very intentional red herring, but that is not my opinion of it).
I realize how that specific anomalous feature could be better used elsewhere so I scrapped it. The syringe is now abnormal but not directly anomalous on its own. I also cleaned up the writing a bit more. If you want to take another look, I'd appreciate it, although if you're busy, I won't bother you.