I found myself really liking the surrealness intermixed with the foundation reacting. It seems dreamlike until those moments.
Date: 30 Mar 2017 00:26
Number of posts: 41
RSS: New posts
I think that some spellchecking is needed (toilet boil instead of toilet bowl), but overall, I'll upvote.
A young woman holding a garbage can lid and a machete bends into view to pick it up.
Weird coincidence; I have a character on a roleplaying site that's pretty much this exact description, garbage can lid and everything.
It's poor form to talk about an author in a critique, but I'd be amiss if I didn't, so here we go.
There's something evident here that is representative of something that Faminepulse does indescribably well. Dream logic isn't just the surreal; it has to follow a certain internal narrative throughout. Nightmares, specifically, have elements of plot woven into them, where the abstract and horrific parts coil around the narrative as it descends further and further into discomfort, and you're left trying to deal with the stark contrast between the story you feel is being told, and the absurdity that is apparent around you.
Something about the way Faminepulse describes these seemingly random elements fills me with an apprehension I can only liken to the nightmares of my youth, when I desperately fought to find some sense of realism within the torrent of uncanny and frightening imagery. You can see a narrative in there, and you might try to reach out and hold onto it, but the narrative just proves to pull you even further under.
Is it the best representation of what I think SCP-3000 should be? Frankly, I don't care. I'd upvote it either way.
This is also something I see in your stories, kaktus, because while your plots are more front-and-center, you also weave that dreamlike feel tightly around it and pull me further into the story.
This is indescribably creepy, between the connections to the Tabula Rasa mythos, dialogue, format variation, and strands of spooky narratove, this is my favorite thing in the contest so far.
I don't like the videotapes. I only liked the one 'born into a cemetery' part, I thought that was cool, but Scorpion451 is correct. It IS like the Ring videotape. I consider this a bad thing.
But something about this… the fact that it's an event rather than an scp, the great first picture… Augh, take your neutral vote.
Huh. That was weird. And unsettling.
This article definitely uses surreal imagery in a manner that I haven't seen in the contest so far, and to great effect, as I got chills from the imagery that was described the further down the rabbit hole I went.
+1. Neat stuff.
The dream-logic is excellent, the imagery is vivid, and there is a story and everything, but I can't help but be disappointed with this. I feel like it sticks too close to the related skips, without either a strong new revelation or image to push things forward. For me, the fact that this operates as a closed loop also lessened the horror, despite the whole thing being a warning.
The opening - everything before the items - is extremely confusingly written. At no stage is there any attempt to explain what EE-3000 *actually was*, which is quite a fundamental problem.
As an aside, I'm not sure why an Extranormal Event would be placed, in-universe, in the Containment Procedures database. This is especially obvious when the first two words of the article acknowledges that there is a separate register for Extranormal Events. And why wouldn't the (clearly anomalous) corpse be categorised for containment (presumably "Neutralised"), or perhaps the non-existent town that now exists? All of this stuff broke my immersion with the story at an early stage of reading.
There are also a ton of errors and odd phrasing (from stuff that the Foundation is meant to have written) which are probably worth correcting:
Doing the minor edits, will touch on the rest of that stuff after the 20th when I'm allowed to. Thanks for the in-depth.
The Extranormal Event tagged as scp thing I'm pushing is kind of tentative. I was a bit more interested in the format than the article later on through the contest. I think an alternate SCP Foundation format geared toward narratives would be appreciated in a time where most SCPs just want to be stories.
will touch on the rest of that stuff after the 20th when I'm allowed to.
Just to note that you are free to make major edits through to 10 April, if you wish. As per the contest rules:
Q: How does editing work?
A: Editing is freely allowed until the posting period ends.
ENTRIES CLOSE: 11:59 PM EDT, 10 APRIL 2017