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Happy to, as always, but whenever I see your SCP articles I'm struck by the same idea - you never have a lot of meat to them. Nothing to do with length - short SCP articles can be very effective - but the actual storytelling element just isn't there. There's nothing to keep the reader interested or intrigued; there's no narrative to support your objects.
I think you may be doing this a little backwards - you're having a lot of ideas, which is great, but you're thinking a lot about the objects first, when really you should think about the effects first, the story you want to tell, and then try and find an object that suits. It's a bit like writing a book's title before you write the actual book. It may be a great title, it may fit fantastically when you're done - but you've got to get the meat done first.
I'm sure you've read them all ready but there's no harm in linking to the SCP Writing Guides that talk more about developing your ideas, as well the pitfalls guide which discusses about the use of objects in general.
Thank you for the critique.
So overall, do you think the idea is good? I've been trying to write some SCPs that induce emotions in people while reading. I was thinking that the mannequins could also be embodiments of the subjects biological parents, as if to make the subject feel that they are always being cared for.
To me personally, no, it didn't induce any emotions. They're just things that do things. Like I said before, there's no real meat in this story for someone to get attached to and feel emotions for. They're just mannequins who cause an unfortunate effect whilst trying to 'care' for a child - there's nothing particularly emotional about it.
Causing emotions in people is tricky, but people have to feel there's a reason to care for whatever you're writing about, and they have to be able to see themselves in the position of the person or object you're writing about.
Ask yourself some questions, like why these things were made or why they became what they became. Were they made by someone who had lost their parents and wanted to go back to that time when they were cared for? How were these things discovered - had they desperately been trying to take care of a child who had been abandoned, whilst not realising they were slowly killing it? Children and parents are potentially emotive subjects - I know I've felt empathy for some cases I took on as a social worker - but they're not emotional on their own; you have to add the story, the narrative, the thing that makes them tragic, or whatever emotion you're trying to invoke.
I have been trying to explain the origin of some of my SCP ideas, but usually if the subject is killed by the SCP, the subject probably wouldn't ever be able to explain. I like the idea of the creator wanting to be cared for, so he/she created this SCP.
However, maybe if the subject wanted to have the SCPs properties last longer so that it can be cared for as long as possible. To do this, the very first subject may have wanted to age as much as possible before death. Before the death of the subject, that subject, or the creator of the SCP, may have wanted to purposefully have the SCPs effects manifest onto him/her.
Thank you for the critique. I'll try to give my SCP ideas stories.
Good idea. I can see why a creator may want to have a caregiver who cares for them forever, therefore somehow creating anomalous mannequins.
I'd also say if you want to invoke emotion, think about what makes you react emotional to media. It isn't just knowing someone lacked care in their childhood or was sad when their parent/s died (which is understandable), but it's knowing the story behind that.
Why did I cry when I read 'Room'? Because the author had developed a world where we cared about what happened to that young mother and her son, who's perspective it was written in.
Why did I cry when I saw the (minor spoiler for a 20 year old movie) baby death scene (NSFW/NSFL) in 'Trainspotting'? Because, even though the world hadn't centred on this kid at all (and that was part of the point), the mother's reaction was so upsetting, as was the reaction of the men involved - and because, unfortunately, deaths of kids from neglect due to drug addiction happens in the real world.
Those are just two examples I can think of involving parents and/or kids, but they're the two that stick out in my mind as the times I've most empathised with characters. Yes, you don't have a whole book or film to build up your world, but you can still do so in an effective way.
A good, relatively short story (that happens to be a Creepypasta but works well on its own) is 'Autopilot', because of the way it's built up and, like the 'Trainspotting' example, happens in real life, too. It invokes a sense of fear, but mainly sadness, despite it being a 'Creepy'pasta.
I added an interview to explain why the SCP was created. What do you think?
The interview adds a little more detail, but not much. It's certainly something you can build on. I recommend if you want to make this seem more realistic and impacting people in the real world, you look at things such as Bowlby's attachment theory, which shows what can happen to a parent-child bond based on signs the child gives the caregiver, particularly when parted from them.
For example, the guy you include in the interview seems like he would be a classic anxious-avoidant attachment, so how can you reflect this knowledge in an interview? I'm not saying at all that you should include the attachment theory or any other social behavioural studies in the SCP article as is, but you should read up on this and let your story show your understanding of these sort of theories.
I added a small sentence in the last dialogue in the interview saying,
"Those two beautiful creations are a gift. You should admit that each SCP, dangerous or not, is beautiful in its own way."
I also added a note saying that an agent had died because SCP-XXXX-1 and XXXX-2 assaulted the agent in an effort to get to D-████. Do you think that this also shows that even the mannequins are highly attached to the subject? (SCP-XXXX-3)
Hm. Currently, it reads just more like another SCP object that kills people for seemingly no reason. It doesn't sell the idea of attachment. Many parents would kill for their kids, but not without discrimination - for example, no matter how attached a parent and child are, the parent is unlikely to try and kill a social worker who tried to take the kid away for whatever reason. If that person was committing a criminal act, a parent may respond violently, but generally speaking, even those with a good relationship don't react with violence. Attachment theory doesn't mean common sense and typical human behaviour is ignored to only focus on the kid, y'know?
I'll remove that. I see your reason.
So far, do you think it seems good?