I'm looking for some feedback on my draft for my next entry into my Herman Fuller series. This one's shorter, less than 1500 words. It's called Fuller Than Full, the last tab in my sandbox. Its predecessor is Former Assets. You don't need to read it but it might help with some call backs and to familiarise you with the characters.
Hi author :)
I enjoyed it, just like I enjoyed 'Former Assets' - I read all the tales associated with Herman Fuller recently, so it's fresh in my head. I particularly enjoy the character of Lolly, who I find very relatable whilst still subtly unnerving - she reminds me a lot of Delirium, from Neil Gaiman's 'Sandman' graphic novel.
Lots of nice alliteration (always an addicting affair), as well as a sort of cringe-worthy middle and ending that makes one feel suitably uncomfortable. I noticed what I think may be a couple of typos, nothing huge though -
his spin was horribly deformed
I think you meant to say 'skin' here. I think :P
yet all his soft tissues had taken on an unnatural elasticity allowing them to stretch to horrific proportions.
Not so much feedback, but more something that could fit in well with your Circus - Gary 'Stretch' Turner is a performer who I once had the pleasure of working with. I have hypermobility syndrome, and he has its close relative, Ehlers Danlos syndrome. His skin stretches amazingly far, and feels as soft as a baby's, it's insane. I used to get into a small jar thing, and then he would unlock the door, and he would freak people out by stretching his skin. That's what this reminds me of.
I thought maybe I saw another typo upon my first readthrough, but I can't find it now, so I guess I didn't see it at all. I can't really find anything to mention fault about, nor how to improve it right now, although I am a believer that written work can always be improved. I certainly enjoyed it, but I'm already a fan of such things, so maybe I'm biased.
Just to clarify, when you say the middle/end was cringe-worthy, do you mean that in a good way or a bad way?
I meant in that good, unnerving way - the way you know what's going to happen, but you can't stop it nor look away (: Not in the negative way I see kids saying things are 'cringe' these days.