Mkay, summoned by PM in regards to the story, here are my thoughts:
- I feel like none of the stuff in footnotes really needs to be in footnotes. Just put it in the main description.
- Capitalize "Foundation" when using it as a proper noun.
- "generally advising the impersonation of personnel, releasing amnestics through ventilation" > what if the site(s) in question doesn't have vents or amnestics in the form of aerosols?
- "and civilian casualties," > I'm not entirely sure the Serpent's Hand (a Hand member/associate made the book, yes? I think I've seen this idea before, but the content of the draft doesn't really make me think "Oh, it's SH") would really advocate civilian casualties. It's kind of hard to get the general public to accept extraordinary beings if said extraordinary beings are massacring the general public, especially since there are plenty of ordinary people who are on good terms or even have pacts with the extraordinary people. Legends told by word-of-mouth die if there are no speakers to tell them.
- "Agent █████ searched the building in an attempt to terminate a reality bender." > why is a field agent attempting to terminate an entity that can reality-bend? Shouldn't security be doing that? Field agents are the ones who scout ahead and call for backup. They don't rush in guns blazing.
- I'm not sure the use of [sic] is correct in the log. Google tells me it's used "after a copied or quoted word that appears odd or erroneous to show that the word is quoted exactly as it stands in the original". We don't have any way of knowing if the numbers are erroneous, and the word "Don't" is correctly spelled.
In regards to the story, it's pretty bland because the book is so OP. There's not much of a struggle to read about; the book is just apparently overwhelmingly omniscient etc. etc. what can the Foundation do? The laundry list of casualties at the end only solidifies this view.
I feel like in this case, it might be more interesting to trim down the description a ton and put that info into a log of a single instance where the Foundation tries to outsmart the book by using a low-priority anomalous entity (some small animal like a mouse or something) in storage as test-run bait. They adjust containment to be stricter, note the book's response, downgrade the containment, and try to capture an SH member when the containment is nigh-nonexistent. Nothing happens, they go back to the usual containment, the SH member infiltrates the site and the mouse is gone, book updates and seems rather smug about it as can be judged by the text.
Then there's the question of "is the book its own consciousness, or is someone(s) updating it manually?" also, "did they intentionally lose the book just to mess with the Foundation"?
Alternatively, you can make this a tale, but there's a lot more that can be done with the concept than listing all the ways the book just owns the Foundation at all the containments.