The tale I'm trying to write is going for the same theme, in another direction. Past feedback implied that it was a little hard to understand what was happening and why. Hopefully the task notice will clear that up.
As well as feedback in general, I'm looking for critique in some specific areas:
- Is it more clear what's happening right now?
- Is the dialogue believable?
- Are the characters convincing?
- I know the draft is very dialogue heavy right now. Can that work, or do you think I need to fill the gaps between the lines1?
- Do you find the premise in general interesting?
Apart from the awkward teenage angsty writing phase we all go through (or was that just me?) I have no experience writing tales. Feel free to be honest.
The tale can be found on the last tab.