Just noting that the author has mainlisted this work as SCP-2639. Feedback has been given there but should also continue to be given here as appropriate.
Author, you have to be patient when it comes to waiting for feedback. You didn't even wait a day between posting this board and mainlisting the article. That is in no way against the rules, but it's better for you to wait for feedback so, when your article is ready to mainlist, you know you've gotten as much critique possible to help it achieve success.