Thanks to Gunpowder0 and Spectral Dragon for their critique in the forums. This has been sitting in my Sandbox gathering dust for about half a year, so I figured I'd finally go ahead and post it.
Date: 18 Apr 2017 19:07
Number of posts: 18
RSS: New posts
Effective and creepy, +1!
I question it being labeled as Safe, as it still requires upkeep and checking-in on and maintenance and stuff; plus, it's a clever girl alright. This little lady is Euclid all the way. I'd honestly be hard-pressed to think of something alive that would fall under Safe.
I actually would like to know a bit more on where and how they corral this thing off to when it's time to clean the cell, as listed. I could see a secondary cell adjoining the main cell.
Am I reading it right that this thing's lungs are made of books?
I thought you had left the site and given up on this idea; I was really surprised when I saw this.
Anyway, a lot better from when I last saw it. It kinda creeped me out. +1
Seconding Gunpowder here. I was super pleased to see this show up, I'd thought you'd given up on the idea. I liked it then, and I still like it now. +1
The image of the SCP uttering its mindless verbalizations while stalking and destroying the speaker is more disturbing than expected.
You know how scientists anesthetize insects for surgical experiments?
You want to send humans in to clean this thing's enclosure, you knock it unconscious first.
I was a little confused about the communication test. Since Dafoe's log had just suddenly cut off after a dramatic line and he was involved in the test, I just kind of assumed it was something still happening at the factory.
I'm not sure I buy it being able to penetrate 5 cm of whatever and needing 1.5 cm of steel plate, mostly because I'm not sure why it needs to be super-duper-strong (this kinda gets into 'stock dangerous monster' territory). (Edit: Also, if it's that strong, wouldn't that be mentioned in the description?)
As for the communication test itself…. I definitely liked that it was incorporating speech from transients into the girl's, but… the back and forth didn't quite build the tension of "real or just parroting", and it ran long for that. Edit: There's also no tension if it's in the cell and no clear scientific reason for him to "humor" it, because we know there's no child there.
Also, I'm not sure why it needed so many child lures if it had only killed a few humans.
I guess no vote. It's an interesting idea and well-written, but the tone is a bit dramatic and tropey and some of the swings didn't quite land for me.
I dunno. I pictured it crooning to its babies, all the while spinning and crafting more lures, almost like a mother sitting in a rocking chair, sewing or crocheting, humming a tune while her children drift to sleep. But that same mom also eats her neighbors. Maybe that sounds more interesting than what I actually produced, but none of the other addendums I wrote really worked. I also like a lot of the SCP's that just exist, as some of the unexplained parts make it (to me, at least) even more terrifying. Looks like I may have some more work to do.
To be honest, this doesn't do much for me. While this is competently written from a technical standpoint, it feels like I've seen every part of this somewhere before, not necessarily in this exact composition but a creature that imitates human speech to lure its prey in is something that has definitely been around before.
The same goes for the interviews, they are mostly well written but ultimately don't have much of an impact on me. Petrograd already mentioned most of what bothers me with them, the first log cutting out after that line builds tension - which is good - but then never resolves that. I kept looking for something I missed that would build on this but there's nothing there.
At the end of the day, this doesn't build much on the "monster that kills you" premise and leaves me kinda unsatisfied, since I kept expecting more to come while reading this. Gonna have to downvote.