SCP Foundation

The concept I have right now is of a ghosty thing that is very attracted to electric lights, and stays near them as much as possible. If there aren't any of those around, it'll find the nearest human and float into their head, and that person will fall into a vegetative state within a few hours. Otherwise, it doesn't do anything.

It feels pretty generic to me, at least in terms of just the physical SCP itself, and I know there's better way for me to convey the concept of loss of self through trauma (and I do want to keep that as a concept, though I'll change it if it needs to be changed) through its form. Any ideas, or should this thing just be scrapped?

(Btw, here's the draft I wrote by accident if you wanted to take a look http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-2231351/my-first-scp:i)

for me to convey the concept of loss of self through trauma

If that's your intended emotional core, I don't think it should matter what medium you convey this through. I think all you would need to do is ensure that you stay close to that theme, making it the pivot point around which everything is constructed. Maybe have it so that the vegetative state is merely the being's attempt to communicate - perhaps it's an alien entity that's lost the ability to verbalize its intentions, and with this loss it's reaching out for any kind of emotional support. An interview that is conducted purely through the spectrum of emotion and memory could make for some incredibly badass writing.

Your draft is admittedly rough, but I believe it at least demonstrates your ability to hold a tone and convey emotion, which is great.