Handy Floor Mat
Handy Floor Mat
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» Handy Floor Mat
Summary:
My first SCP! This time I linked a sandbox draft instead of the whole thing. Please critic! :D
*Inhales*
First:
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures:
Description:
These should be Bold(-ed)
Second:
SCP-XXXX is to be contained in a 5’ by 5’ cell
Try staying away from Imperial units
SCP-XXXX is to be contained in a 1.5x1.5 meter cell
This includes the later
SCP-XXXX is a 21” by 34” bathroom floormat
to
SCP-XXXX is a 50cm by 85cm bathroom floormat
"Addendum XXXX-BLOODYPALMS"
I do not really see Addendums being named, only special Missions and Protocols
…if only slightly strange in color choice.
You don't need that
…meniscal interlaced hands…
I believe you wanted to use the word MINUSCULE, the Meniscal is a part of the body, to be more exact as far as I remember a Tendon behind the knee cap or something
and it breaks the Clinical tone, better would be words like miniature or small
Whenever a subject with dry, bare feet steps onto SCP-XXXX subject will typically express surprise, describing a feeling of being slightly tickled between the toes and on the soles of the feet.
That could be worded better
Maybe change some parts to
Whenever a subject with dry, bare feet steps onto SCP-XXXX subjects typically express a feeling of surprise, described as slightly ticklish between the area of the fingers and on the soles of the feet.
through an currently
later
eviscerated
Bonus points for teaching the Foreigner a new word =P
Addendum BLOODYPALMS:
Addendum XXXX-a:
(Note: use the ' instead of the ’, it looks better)
Collapsed, for the sake of our mobile readers. ~Zyn
And that's all I have for now. There were more small mistakes, spelling and others around, but I can't be bothered spnding over 30 minutes on a comment, sorry.
Otherwise and interesting idea and I'm up to seeing more
Just a quick tip, if you post a long review like this, it's a good idea to put it in a collapsible.
Collapsibles' code looks like this
[[collapsible show="show me the things" hide="hide me the things"]]
this is where you put your text n stuff
[[/collapsible]]
this is where you put your text n stuff
Space is a whole lot of stuff and a whole lot of not-stuff — charles sagen
Shadow9771
Thanks a lot, I had an idea such a thing existed, but didn't know how to do it, I'll make sure to use it from here on
(Wow, I'm quite honored to get feedback from the Captain of the Criticism team 'OuO)
Now with the imperial units I tried stating the same, based on what was resented within the "How to write an SCP" Guide. If any of my criticism has been worded badly and due to that my words have been misinterpreted I firmly apologize
About Addendums and the Clinical tone
I again only tried presenting a new way of wording things, and I didn't try to say that this is the right thing. I'm still rather new to the community, so I give my best to help others, but still learn. My judgement was made solely based on what I have read, and I understand that it's up to the author
And about the last part - I said that it could be worded better, yet couldn't find the words myself. I did point out that English isn't my mother language, so I'm bound to make mistakes or not know something
Thank you for the Feedback on the criticism and I'll try improving
About Addendums and the Clinical tone
/louder tiny butterfly scream IT'S ADDENDAAA
Addenda is the correct plural. One addendum, two addenda. It's Latin.
I didn't try to say that this is the right thing. I'm still rather new to the community, so I give my best to help others, but still learn.
You need to make this more clear to the author when you give feedback. We've had a couple new writers leave the site because they took misleading critique from inexperienced reviewers and the eventual mainlist article suffered for it. People who are new to the site aren't as familiar with good critique versus critique that might harm an article, so you can't expect a new writer to always be able to tell how experienced you are.
Going to clear up some misinformation here. FoldingPapers, please be more careful with your feedback from now on.
Try staying away from Imperial units
Scientists don't use imperial/US Customary primarily. The author must use metric if they want people to believe a scientist could have written this.
I do not really see Addendums being named, only special Missions and Protocols
/tiny butterfly scream IT'S ADDENDAAAAA
This is a stylistic choice on the part of the author. They're free to give an addendum a reference word if they like.
and it breaks the Clinical tone, better would be words like miniature or small
Not necessarily. "Small" is pretty vague, and "miniature" implies the object is a replica. "Miniscule" is probably fine as a descriptor here, though the most objective way to describe it would be providing a measurement.
That could be worded better
Maybe change some parts to
The example changes you offer introduce redundancy to the text (most people will assume that surprise is a feeling if it is noted as expressed) and also change the meaning of the content. When you are offering alternative wording to an author, you need to be careful about keeping the meaning of the sentence as close to the original as possible, without introducing new information that the author didn't initially include.
Thanks so much! I'll go through and edit it soon :)
/forum/t-2275636/handy-floor-mat#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 30 Oct 2017 00:04
