For the short story contest "SCPs at war." I may have made this one a bit too difficult to follow. You be the judge.
Date: 23 Mar 2010 00:26
Number of posts: 9
RSS: New posts
I don't follow.
Nurse was an SCP researcher, got caught up in the battle of Gallipoli, somehow ended up immortal, now in the present she's watching over this old man whose life she and the foundation ruined because their site got ruined during the fight.
I really don't like how this story is paced. It just seems all over the place, and at times I've found myself confused as to who was actually speaking and what time period they were actually in.
I'm calling for a review of this article. Please read it, vote, and comment if you haven't already done so.
The story idea isn't bad, but the pacing kills it. I feel like the "show, don't tell" property would be applicable.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
I've written a tale upvoted by Djoric, Bright, Echo, Yoric, Moose, VAE and Voct, fite me irl if you don't respect
Yeah, I like the slow pace of this one. Not everything has to be fast-paced action; this actually does feel like an old man telling a story to anyone who'll listen. And the twist is nicely done.
Giving bearhugs to the unsuspecting since 1872.