My SCP idea draft. Please review.
yo yo yo noob take this http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/jackboyo
(that was not satire that was just a joke. Love you all.)
My SCP idea draft. Please review.
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» My SCP idea draft. Please review.
Ok, I'm on a phone so I can't do everything, but I'll give my best:
5 x 5 x 5 x 5
4 dimensions? also specify if thise are meters or something else.
SCP-XXXX is a Humanoid White Male. SCP-XXXX is six foot tall and looks around the age of 24. SCP-XXXX is a very strange subject.
No, no inperial measures and stuff - meters, Celsium (and Kelvin I think) and etc.
Nah but I did see 682. 008. 096. I had a conversation with 049. Luckily I did manage to speak to some 073
That's just… Sigh… While cross linking CAN be done interestingly it must have a reason behind it, you just seem to say one by one what he met. It's a bit like trying to boost the article by using other, mire successfull ones as steppibg stones.
WHen asked abo0ut the conversations
WHaT tHE hELl iS GoiNG oN hERe?
scientific tone appears… it doesen't.
And overall this seema a bit more of a -J than a real one.
P.S. for any staff - feel free to fold the comment of needed, I can't do it on my phone
oveeall idea needs a bit of polishing and execution… a bit MORE polishing
First off, please don't use the R-slur, even in an article like this.
Taking your word that you'll fix the grammatical errors, this idea isn't really interesting as it is. Right now it's just a generic violent humanoid SCP with superpowers, we don't get any sense of character or story.
The GAW tie-in is a good place to start, but saying that this SCP was created to pull off a school shooting might not be the best route to go - they're a sensitive topic that needs to be handled delicately. Even then, why would GAW want it to perform a school shooting? Do all the members of GAW agree with this plan? Could any of them have sabotaged this SCP if they don't agree?
The characterization on the SCP is also very weak, what does he want, what does he value, what is he afraid of? Why should we care about him?
The mentions of other SCPs don't add anything to the article, take them out unless there's a definite point to having them interact with this SCP.
Try reading up on some of the writing guides, especially the guide on how to write humanoid SCPs.
''To the hills!'' said Page, canteen in hand. ''We shall slay the monstər shortly after nightfall!''
SCP-XXXX is to be kept in the Heavy Containment Zone
Of what site? Normally you don't have to specify the site if it's not relevant to the containment, but you say "the Heavy Containment Zone" so it must be specific.
5 x 5 x 5 x 5 container
Wow, we're keeping this thing in a four dimensional container? Seriously tho, You only need the length, width, and height of the containment chamber and the unit of measurement.
All videos must be recorded and slowed down
All videos? What about "All videos taken of SCP-XXXX"
There is a strict curfew that SCP-XXXX may only be tested on late at night or early in the morning.
Why? Time is irrelevant to their testing.
SCP-XXXX is a Humanoid White Male
Caucasian human male
SCP-XXXX is six foot tall and looks around the age of 24. SCP-XXXX is a very strange subject.
- Scientific units only.
- The highlighted area can be taken out, we know it's anomalous since it has a scip designation.
When it is hit by a fast object it's cells seem to harden and mash together
- Lowest speed of "fast object"? Just saying "it needs to go fast" is vague.
- its
- "seem to" do they or don't they?
Causing a shield
Improper grammar
Some retards named Gamers Against Weed fucked up my life
No need to say retard, dude.
They made me to pull a fucking school shooting
This is my main problem with this draft. Here is a snippet taken from the GAW writing guide:
Gamers Against Weed is a pacifist group. If they have reason to believe that one of their projects could get people hurt or killed, they won't do it.
So for them to make something that would literally kill people is just completely unbelievable when it goes against their very nature. GAW is a group of Pacifistic, leftist internet trolls.
As Lex1nat0r said, school shootings are a pretty sensitive topic. I don't see any possible way to write a school shooting scip.
It wouldn't so they tried ADHD pills which seemed to work
You need to specify what pill it actually is. There are quite a few prescription drugs used to treat ADHD.
So while you were testing I walked around your facility when you left me in a dark cold room
How in 343 did it get out.
I even saw this huge lizard named 682
Pointless cross-link to a popular article.
008. 096. I had a conversation with 049. Luckily I did manage to speak to some 073.
more pointless cross-links. How would it even know the designation numbers? How is it not dead? If it saw 096, it would be dead. If it met 682, again, it would be dead.
humanoids
WHY is he calling himself a "humanoid" if he's human?!
Don;t butt into people's conversations
They weren't butting in. They asked a question.
Overall, there is no clinical tone and it has a very poorly thought concept. The subject is literally just a boring asshole that likes to kill people and has a couple anomalous properties. It has no connection to Gamers Against Weed other than that one sentence. Other than that, it doesn't mesh conceptually with GAW in the slightest. I would highly recommend starting with a new concept as I don't see this concept working at all.
If you ever choose to attempt to write anything GAW related, please read the writing guide for it: Gamers Against Weed Hub
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page revision: 2, last edited: 30 Oct 2017 00:04
