Need Feedback for SCP-3335
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/3335 Here is the link to SCP-3335
Need Feedback for SCP-3335
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» Need Feedback for SCP-3335
Summary:
I made a new SPC just wanted to see what people thought of kt
My apologies, it seems like i have forgot to make my self clear about somethings. :)
I found a small typo here.
Item #: SC0-3335
Numbers in parentheses should only be used with things that need exact numbers, like time, or medication amounts.
The SCP is allowed no more than three (3) chess games with SCP-035 per week. No personnel is permitted to speak or interact with SCP-3335 unless authorized by at least two (2) level three (3) personnel. This rule doesn't apply if you have level three (3) or higher clearance. When experimenting with SCP-3335 only equipment not connected by a wireless or wired internet connection may be allowed inside. Cameras, television sets, radios, hand held gaming devices are example of safe equipment.
I wondered why your SCP gets to play chess with other sentient SCP's. Why does your SCP need to play? Will something bad happen if it doesn't? Try and make chess part of the backstory. I think that its a good idea for this SCP to play chess, but its kinda just thrown in there without reason.
Small capitalization error here.
However during multiple conversations SCP-3335 has described his desire to "Usurp and destroy the Capitalist Pigs who Continually poison the world."
Small Typo here.
As of July [DATA REDACTED] further termination attempts have been cancelled, due to the SCP's lack as a threat when contained and SCP-3335 sending numerous emails to Foundatiom staff
After some review, i realize that i was wrong about the inclusion of other SCP's (SCP-035, SCP-168, etc). They were added to convey part of the backstory of this SCP. I think that the inclusion of these into your draft make it very interesting.
Overall i think that this SCP is well written, and i believe that it will do great when posted.
I look forward to reading/critiquing more of your work. :)
Clearing up some misinformation here:
Numbers in parentheses should only be used with things that need exact numbers, like time, or medication amounts.
Not quite. Generally, the number (#) numeration is used for extreme precision measurements that can be fatal if misinterpreted. You don't need to state "five (5)" when you're using easy-to-count whole numbers like "five minutes" or "ten pills".
I like the inclusion of SCP-035, but i feel like its a little forced
How so? Railgun45, could you be more specific? The author probably didn't think it's forced, as otherwise they wouldn't have included it, so please don't force them to read your mind here.
(account deleted)Critiques:
(to current knowledge SCP-3335 has a 45 meter radius, but this should not be taken for its make range)
Make range should be max range.
Inauguration of James Comey September 4th 2013
I don't precisely know what link you or pattern you are setting with their meetings, but I do know that involving an event such as that would open you up to criticism and hate from one or both sides, though I can understand if you have the thick enough skin to go through with it.
Overall, looks good.
Thank you all
Thank you Railgun 45 for paointing out all the spelling and Grammar mistakes
Thank you Zyn for clearing up the misinformation and telling me about the parenthesis and number rule
Thank you Edward Buck for your concern, I had the intention of having people question whether or not the two SCP's had a hand in influencing key historical events
Make range should be max range.
A professional scientist would probably write out the full word rather than using a casual shortening. "Maximum range of effect" would work, except this is a static thing, so you wouldn't say the thing has the range of effect so much as the effect generated by the thing has a range.
Hello!
My first concern with the draft is that you titled it as 'SCP-3335' when it should be your name. This allows for your sandbox to be multi-use instead of just being meant for one article. Plus, I would recommend changing 'SCP-3335' to 'SCP-XXXX', due to it being easier for you to change later on.
The first main problem with this piece is the missed opportunities. I don't mind the idea of a living picture of Lenin, I actually think this could be an interesting history based piece if done correctly. But the main problem is how you deicded to go about doing this. You decided to make Lenin as a sterotypical Russian bad guy, who wants to spread communism and destroy the evil west, with no real humanity or acts like a normal human being.
I think that this could be an interesting character piece of Lenin. You could make him like a real human being, who reacts to the world around him. Maybe he feels depressed about how his revolution had been destroyed by a power hungry maniac. Maybe he is in denial over this. We don't know who he is as a person. Instead, this is 'evil russian commie who wants to destroy democracy and the west', instead of the real human being he was.
So, I would recommend researching up on Lenin, reading about him and who he was a person. His history, his letters, his personal thoughts. Make him a real human being instead of a Saturday Morning cartoon villian. That way, we the audience can feel for him, because I feel nothing for this Lenin, because he isn't human.1
I also find this to be a really really weird on how this object ever comes into contact with 079 and 035, considering it's a fucking painting, and isn't a physical object. Why are they even here? Why are they important to the story? Do they help anything what-so-ever regarding the story you're trying to craft here? Cause, as is, they aren't doing anything.
The second main problem I see here is the lack of basic parameters regarding the object. I don't know. When you say this:
Though if 'Lenin' changes his body positioning then all pictures, video footage, etc will change to match his new appearance.
Does this mean everything or is it just the pictures depicting the photo? You need to clarify this, cause this is important to the Foundation. If you can't, then you have a problem with the article that needs to be fixed.
The third main problem with this is there isn't exactly a story going on. It's just an object that's dangerous and does things and may have a connection with other objects. Okay. That isn't interesting enough to hold the article afloat. It's just a object that's dangerous. Nothing more, to be honest. You need more than this to have a successful article on the website.
I would recommend looking over some more Series 3 and Series 4 articles, so you can get a better feel for the standards of the community.
Footnotes
1. I know he isn't really human, but we should feel like he is, with his own human emotions and the like.
Hate to critique the critique, but one minor thing -
Plus, it should be 'SCP-XXXX', not 'SCP-3335' due to the possibility of that spot being taken by another user.
In a draft, an author can use any number they want for their article. The number issue only matters when it actually is posted to the mainlist. So, authors are free to use any number, or term, or whatever, for their scip until it comes to publishing it.
Alright, will remove.
Thank you BananaRepublic for your feedback
However I will politely disagree. (I have no idea how to show quotes on those blocks you guys do sorry)
I had considered making SCP-3335 a human with full emotions but my vision was that he is a piece of propaganda he as such should be the stereotype he was made for, which is why he's not fully human. He has no brain or anything he is kind of like in the Harry Potter series they have paintings of people who are dead who act like them but only to a certain extant. So I hear what your saying but I'm going to stick with my current vision for SCP-3335
I don't see how what I said was confusing. If SCP-3335 moves, then all pictures of him will change to match his movements
As for why SCP-3335 plays chess I added a reason just now, because unlike 079 who needs to be plugged into something to take control of things, SCP-3335 can just hop over to anything he wants to, so in exchange for his cooperation they allow him to play chess three times a week with an SCP very similar to him, 035
035 plays a background role to 3335's story, I mention that they had talked about being together during numerous importantly historical events and I hinted that they may have had a hand in influencing events.
Lastly I don't… appreciate being dismissed as simply dangerous. Remember 'Lenin' is a very nice SCP who has a misguided belief, unlike most keter objects he doesn't kill anyone just to kill he has his own morals unlike other scp's, and he likes to play chess and makes an effort for friendship with his fellow captives.
Ah, the quote blocks, I just found how to do those today as well.
The (>) character (remove parenthesis of course) plus a space and then you words is the formula
Like this: > 1ik3 thi5 > 1i43 7hi5 > a1kj 25i7
I just realised the Like-this-seption isn't that funny…
I had considered making SCP-3335 a human with full emotions but my vision was that he is a piece of propaganda do as such should be the stereotype he was made for, which is why he's not fully human.
But that's the thing for me. I don't find that particularly interesting. I find the real Lenin to be more interesting than this false, butchered version of him. I want to know how he would think of the modern political landscape/history of his fallen revolution. That, to me, is more interesting than a propaganda version of Lenin.
As for why SCP-3335 plays chess I added a reason just now, because unlike 079 who needs to be plugged into something to take control of things, SCP-3335 can just hop over to anything he wants to, so in exchange for his cooperation they allow him to play chess three times a week with an SCP very similar to him, 035
I'm not just discussing the reason why it is allowed to play cheese with 035. I'm talking about why 035 is even in the story at all. I don't think it adds anything to the story, it doesn't bring anything new to the table, and it doesn't entertain me. Same thing as below with the 'they had talked about being together during numerous [important] histoical events'. How is this, in any form and/or way adding to the story? To me, it doesn't bring anything to the table.
Lastly I don't… appreciate being dismissed as simply dangerous.
I still think it's a dangerous object when it comes to the Foundation's attempt to contain the object. As in, it is a threat to the Foundation's ability to maintain secrecy. Based on your use of the words 'containment breach', it does seem like it is very much capable of breaking this secrecy.
unlike most keter objects he doesn't kill anyone just to kill he has his own morals unlike other scp's,
Not all keters objects are dangerous. For example, my SCP-2238 is not dangerous to a person's life, but instead dangerous to the Foundation in terms of being able to contain the object and maintain secrecy. This object might not be able to kill people, but it can still be a threat to secrecy.
Personally, the system I have devised for a draft SCP's designation is an acronym of the title.
I have The Ring of Janus as SCP-RoJ for example, and I could refer to The Moral Sphere as SCP-MS, or The Algernon Experiment (don't expect to see that on the mainlist) as SCP-AE. I do this as it is faster that SCP-XXXX and as I do a decent amount of my writing in view of others….I don't want them to….make false conclusions….
But that's the thing for me. I don't find that particularly interesting. I find the real Lenin to be more interesting than this false, butchered version of him. I want to know how he would think of the modern political landscape/history of his fallen revolution. That, to me, is more interesting than a propaganda version of Lenin.
Well others seem ok with it but I respect your opinion, I personally do not agree with your view but not everyone needs to agree
I'm not just discussing the reason why it is allowed to play cheese with 035. I'm talking about why 035 is even in the story at all. I don't think it adds anything to the story, it doesn't bring anything new to the table, and it doesn't entertain me. Same thing as below with the 'they had talked about being together during numerous [important] histoical events'. How is this, in any form and/or way adding to the story? To me, it doesn't bring anything to the table.
Well his is your opinion and again I respect that. In SCP-035's page it talks about briefly how the scp told the foundation it had witnessed many historical events and I was expanding it in 3335. Plus I found the story of the two interesting but it's not for everyone, not everyone will like it
I again appreciate your feedback and while I don't agree with most of them I still appreciate you taking the time to write to me.
/forum/t-2291603/need-feedback-for-scp-3335#post-
page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
