Continuation of Parasitic Agent Development
Faber Castell is my favourite pencil brand
Continuation of Parasitic Agent Development
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» Continuation of Parasitic Agent Development
Summary:
Hi all, I've returned once again to look for suggestions and critiques for this long-forgotten draft.
The draft is frankly not very interesting. It is basically an accumulation of diseases effectively thrown into a blender. The SCP lacks a distinct imagery exclusively for itself, unlike many SCPs that focus on diseases (which stand out for making themselves unique with unique presentation of their illnesses). Here, it appears that you are throwing in various effects in hopes that they can create a horror effect for readers somehow.
In my opinion, that is not working. It would be better to focus on a specific imagery.
Replacement of the chamber for quarantining SCP-XXXX infected subjects were shifted to Basement-4 level sector B73, located within Site 17.
I think you mean "was" not "were" but this sentence looks like it belongs somewhere else, to be honest. People typically start with something like "SCP-X must be contained in/surrounded by a secure locker/containment cell/perimeter fence."
Those who caused the breach due to their poor handling and improper procedure will be barred from operating any further SCPs.
This isn't a containment procedure and doesn't belong in the containment procedures.
Personnel in Site-17 at the time of quarantine are deemed killed in action, and no attempt to recover them is to be made.
I feel like this SCP belongs in its own separate site if we're just going to decide everyone is dead when things go wrong.
Unequipped staffs and personnel within Site 17 is discouraged to go down the basement level without any protective clothing.
You already said people are mandated to wear protective clothing. This is redundant, delete it.
Should anyone gets infected, medical assistants should wear protective clothing and bring the victim directly into SCP-XXXX chamber.
It's "Should anyone get" not "gets"
Also, why would you make people go into the chamber where, presumably, someone just got infected? Put them in a quarantine room.
Please do take note that only staffs or personnel with level 4 clearance are qualified for interaction with SCP-XXXX.
Redundant with previous sentences. Delete it.
Within 17 minutes, symptoms continue to perceive while new aggravated signs appeared.
I don't know what you're trying to say here.
Overall, this comes across as a weaponised prion disease taken up to 11, with a side of zombie virus. That's not an inherently bad idea, but you don't describe it well enough to scare me, and there are a lot of phrasing/grammar and tone problems.
You're going to have to do a lot of work on this one if you want it to succeed, and even then it's going to have to be scarier to outdo real diseases.
Ok, thank you very much for your critiques and feedback. I'll look into it and edit it according to what you've written about.
Faber Castell is my favourite pencil brand
/forum/t-2297059/continuation-of-parasitic-agent-development#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 30 Oct 2017 00:04
