
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/scp-xxxx:the-golden-goblet
I hope it's better than most shit I write…
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/scp-xxxx:the-golden-goblet
I hope it's better than most shit I write…
First, before I launch into critique, do try and not put yourself down. Not for the sake of the site, though no-one likes a 'pity party', but for the sake of yourself. All writers have to start somewhere. Maybe writing SCP articles isn't for you and Tales are actually better. Maybe you just haven't stumbled across the right idea yet - it can take months or even years from idea to final work! There's no rush - use your free time to make notes on any ideas you may have, and do research on any ideas you may have, and, most importantly, read Series III and Series 4 articles. Whatever you're trying to write, reading from that source pool can help you greatly. Just don't beat yourself up about things; it's not worth it.
So, onto the critique itself…
SCP-XXXX is currently kept on a pedestal in its chamber at site-██.
Capitalisation - 'Site-BLANK'.
Additionally, is there a reason this needs to be kept in a pedestal in a room, rather than in some sort of locker that's big enough to contain it?
Access is granted to any member of staff level one (1) or higher.
Capitalisation - 'Level 1'. With numbers, it can get a tad confusing, but we basically don't do the numbers in brackets anymore as that's more commonly used for things like specific medication amounts (like, if you ever look on a prescription medication sticker, it'll normally have the amount of pills in brackets) and not for articles like this.
SCP-XXXX is a goblet one (1) foot tall, with a circumference of two (2) inches.
Remember that The Foundation uses SI units, so, in this case, it would be cms. And you should round up/down from the resulting estimation - so 'SCP-XXXX is a goblet approximately 31 cms tall, with a circumference of roughly 5 cms.'
gold and slight traces of brass.
'gold with slight traces of brass'.
Symbols in an unknown language are engraved on the object.
Remember that The Foundation would have access to both people who are experts in language, and experts in symbols. Think about what they would say these symbols were most similar to in a 'known' language, and if they're able to understand a rough translation. This would give a new level to your SCP article without losing all the mystery from this language, and gaining more mystery with a rough, uncertain translation that may be missing important information that your reader can take a guess at.
The goblet is filled with a dark red liquid of unknown origin, although chemical analysis has found traces of wine. The liquid inside seems to only be able to leave the goblet when being drunk. When drank, the liquid will have a completely random effect on the subject.
Obviously, this sounds lot like the chalice(?) from the Bible. My religious education was over 10 years ago, and it's blurry as I'm not a religious person myself, but I know there's something about a lost chalice that I believe they think Jesus used at the Last Supper, and that the Catholics in particular do the whole 'drink of the wine, for it is my blood' part at Mass. So, essentially, it feels like you're describing a religious item, rather than a SCP object. If that isn't your aim, then maybe you need to think of what other liquid could be inside the goblet.
*Obtainment of psychokinesis
*Significant increase in strength
*Significant increase in intelligence
*Instantaneous death
*The infliction of excruciating pain
*Infection by a random illness, this includes SCP-008.
*Etc.
Okay, so some of these are interesting-ish, but you never actually give us any details, any test logs, anything that could be a good read. You need to build upon this. Things like death and 'excruciating pain' is a cheap thrill, but psychokinesis and increase in strength/intelligence could be a more interesting test result to explore. I would get rid of the clumsy cross-linking to SCP-008, because it feels unnatural and more like you're leaning on a more popular SCP article, and get rid of the 'etc.' - it's not scientific to go 'here are the results, and I'm a bit bored of writing them, so 'etc'.' It just wouldn't be done in an article like this, in-universe. If you can't think of anything else, just don't write anything else.
A note to all personnel, this object may pose a danger to the foundation, miniscule though it be. If a member of the chaos insurgency got lucky with this thing, and got some sort of crazy fucking super power, we would be in deep shit. This object is incredibly easy to contain, however I would recommend bumping the required access level to three (3). And during testing, for safety reasons, I would recommend mounting a turret inside the chamber.
I don't think this note is required at all. It's safe to say that 90% of objects could pose a danger to either The Foundation and/or the public at large if stolen by most GoI, or even just random people, so this doesn't really work. If you feel like this is a more likely threat, you need to explain why it's more likely to be taken than any other item (apart from the fact it could be guarded better, which I think The Foundation would do anyway). So change the Containment Procedures to what you suggest here and then, if you still think this thing is more at risk of being taken than any other Safe item, think why and how you can explain this without a clumsy doctor's note that really doesn't fit in to the article.
Basically, you need to expand upon the narrative vastly. Right now, it's just an anomalous item, with no story or reason for it to have its own article. Read articles as I suggested earlier and see how they handle story-telling, and develop that part first, before then adding things like Test Logs to expand upon the more interesting things this random liquid does. But you need to work on the narrative first, not adding Test Logs and the like.
Feedback complete, good luck!