My 1st SCP Draft
Here it is: http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/atdisco
It's the article under "History, Taped Over", although I'm thinking/open to changing that title. The summary explains the rest, pretty much.
My 1st SCP Draft
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» Writing Help / Help: Drafts and Critiques
» My 1st SCP Draft
Summary:
Looking for criticism/feedback, mainly wondering if this idea is interesting to other people. Hoping that my formatting is right and that grammar, etc. are problem free.
Well I'm not an expert on SCPs, but dude. That's a seriously cool idea
Lastofusfanboy, since this is the drafts forums, could you elaborate a bit here so the author has something to work with? What about the idea is "seriously cool" and should be kept when the author makes edits? Is there anything else you want to know about the material?
Nifty concept, but it needs some further exploring into what exactly is going on here.
Reads very much like a Series 1 skip right now - and while I'd probably upvote it for creativity alone, the rest of the wiki won't be so kind.
(account deleted)OK:
It's well-written. It's in a nicely clinical style, and I can't see any glaring grammatical or spelling mistakes to correct. The core idea is also excellent. It's certainly a lot better than most peoples' first efforts (mine included).
However, as it stands, it's far too sparse and underdeveloped. You have essentially substituted any further exploration of the idea through the [REDACTED] and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Using both these terms in this way is extremely difficult- you should only use it once you've built up the reader's level of horror to extreme heights, where the implication of what could have happened becomes extremely horrifying compared to what has gone before. This isn't always needed, though, and it's not really going on here- it reads like the beginnings of a good SCP, followed by, well, nothing. You've piqued our interest, and then it stops.
I would go back to the drawing board a little bit. Work out exactly what it is that this SCP does, and don't hide it. You don't have to spell it out, but you should know exactly what it is. Right now, it reads like you ran out of ideas and just slapped a [DATA EXPUNGED] on the end. Give it some backstory, a more detailed effect, and an emotional hook, and you should be set :).
When viewed, test subjects have sworn that they see themselves in the images as they flash by, their certainty increasing the longer they watch the screen.
"sworn" should be changed to something else- doesn't sound very clinical as it is. Maybe "reported with extreme certainty", or something in that vein.
Thank you very much for this feedback Tufto!
If you like to reread, I've significantly altered my draft, using detailed Test Logs rather than addendums. I fixed the one minor grammar mistake, and filled in what was previously redacted and expunged.
Hmm, while you have ended the SCP quite nicely, the base anomaly seems slightly uninteresting. As a suggestion, I think you can play with how the user sees themselves inside the historic events inside the film. Perhaps that can provide some depth, and that can be tied to your current ending (if possible).
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it!
I did plan on adding a 4th test involving exploration, So I'm glad you also saw that as the means to continue!
Anyone reading or re-reading my draft will see this 4th test, as I've just added it today.
I was thinking more of reconfiguring your pre-existing logs (from the start). In all of them, you simply stated that the observer sees himself in the film. But there is no context behind it at all.
For example, if I am the observer and the film shows the Battle of Iwo Jima, how will I be shown in the film? An US soldier? A Japanese soldier? Part of the scenery? My face on a rock or in the clouds? This is the part which I see potential here, and you can go weird here.
Currently, the current logs lack that potential and it can wear out a reader's interest. It would be better to give the readers interesting material as soon as you can possibly introduce them.
Right, I understand what you mean. Don't mean to bump this thread but I've yet again made substantial changes to my draft.
I am still very much open to criticism and opinions on what is currently in my sandbox.
/forum/t-2301851/my-1st-scp-draft#post-
page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
