+1 because he told an Eldritch Horror precisely where it ranks in the Foundation's archives.
Date: 08 Apr 2010 16:36
Number of posts: 13
RSS: New posts
Not sure what's lacking… maybe I didn't how the guy was restrained but they didn't frisked him of his gun and such or be able to move around in the first place.
Might be that or maybe its lacking more description.
Also, how was the story related to the title?
So as a backdrop I just read it wasn't a vacation.
I feel like this could work with wacky zany reality bender clef. Besides the point that he was killed in this apparently, but according to that cannon, he can restructure himself. Regardless, I like the feeling and vibe of this tale, but I think it's lacking, and left me wanting more. WHY is there an eldritch god, where did he come from? Why does it seem closely related to the flesh (honestly, that's where I thought it was going, and that kind of tie in would be epic). Now I know this tale is a few years old, but it's just my two cents.
I shouldn't like this because the story is really generic and something I'd expect; that being said, it's cheesy and reminds me of the cheesy action movies I love. And when I read action on this site, I almost always want it to be reminiscent of that.
So +1, fully.
Eugh. I didn't get Clef vibes from this, but I can't unsee that now that it's been pointed out to me, and I want to like this, but there's not enough here.
Were I to take on the task of rewriting this, here is the course I would take: establish this character more (if it's Clef, make that clear; if it's someone new, then give him [or hell, why not her?] some flavor), give more character to the cult (including a Sarkic/Flesh tie-in, or a 5thist tie-in, which are the vibes I got from this), take more time to build this up, and make it clear that the character is one who has died being converted into a cult before, and to whom it's nothing new.
I think that's the best way to make this into something entertaining, or at least more so.
I like the idea, but then it turns into another cult monster tale with a hero trying to escape, which seems like a completely different vibe from this story. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a cheesy pulpy story is a cheesy pulpy story.