Horror Of The Fan {JOKE SCP}
Horror Of The Fan {JOKE SCP}
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» Horror Of The Fan {JOKE SCP}
Summary:
Please insult my work
So… what's supposed to be the joke here?
Until I know what I'm supposed to laugh at, I don't think I can offer much in terms of critique, since -Js will break typical SCP standards if its in service to the joke.
I'll also deliver further feedback once dankaar's question has been answered, but I'd like to raise two further questions:
The writing pattern is a PARODY of SCP-049
1. How- in any way, shape or form?
2. Why is your sandbox so unorganized? Of course, it's by no means mandatory to fix it up, because the information is all there- but why state that you know how to make tabs without actually making any? They are incredibly useful in letting other members easily view your different drafts without having to scroll past something irrelevant to find them, and make the page generally less cluttered. I'd strong recommend you tidy up your sandbox as soon as possible.
I was in vacation, and I came home making this, so I literally made this page with my eyes closed. And, if you look at SCP-049 writing pattern such as:
Alerted doctor
Surprising ability to talk
People suspect his document
Same paragraphs
And much more…
I'm not trying to make it funny right now, because that's easier than writing good, so please give feedback on my writing, not my choices.
I'm not trying to make it funny right now, because that's easier than writing good,
It isn't, really. Writing something that the majority of readers will find funny is actually quite hard, especially here.
And, if you look at SCP-049 writing pattern such as: […]
Yeah, I can't see how anyone would even slightly draw that connection. It's a completely different object with an extremely different anomaly. Furthermore, the things you listed are common pitfalls and bad tropes of SCP articles, so it just makes everything look low-quality and hamfisted rather than me saying 'hoho, a parody, of course- now i get the joke'.
so please give feedback on my writing, not my choices.
But this is feedback on your writing. The joke was incomprehensible to both dankaar and I, and so it fails as a joke article. If you want me to give thorough feedback on the actual quality of the writing, I'll gladly do so, but it feels asinine if I don't know the purpose of the article:
- Right off the bat your formatting is incorrect- there should be a space between Object Class and Special Containment Procedures.
- There's some fairly poor grammar and spelling here and there- 'If any personal is to be attacked, there would be one armed guard to arrive.' should be 'If any personnel are to be attacked, there should be one armed guard stationed to arrive.' Though I feel as if that's a null point because the line itself makes no sense. Of course they're going to send guards if someone is attacked, that's a no-brainer.
- Why a fan? Why a possessed fan with blood vessels? Why does it choke people? Why any of this? It seems very much like typical 'lolrandum' humour that doesn't really have a place on this site anymore. I can't tell if the writing being poor is a joke or not, but if not- there's some serious work to be done here. You should brush up on your clinical tone as soon as possible.
- Just as an aside- if you are making it intentionally bad, that's not a very funny joke. It's been done before in a very well-presented and over-the-top way that I don't think you could compete with, based on your current standard of writing, but you're more than welcome to try.
- 'The songs: Saint Pepsi-Enjoy Yourself and WHAM!-Wake me up before you go; will sometimes be played by the SCP, usually in times when it's been awhile since the last test on it.' This is just confusing, and again feels like 'lolrandum' humour, which won't be appealing to the vast majority of the site.
- 'While looking at his chest Really?' Placing your actions in (brackets) would make everything look far more comprehensible. Just a tip.
So all in all- this just reads like a very messy and low-quality typical 'monster what kills you'. It doesn't work as a joke, because it's not funny. And it doesn't work as not a joke, because the writing isn't refined enough for it to succeed.
I'll ask again: what am I supposed to be finding funny here?
I'm not trying to make it funny right now
Then you've fundamentally failed to make a -J draft. -J SCPs are supposed to be funny. They're jokes in SCP form. The entire article is built in service to the joke being told, not around a non-funny base.
It's like trying to make a cake only out of icing. The icing helps the cake, makes it look better, but that's not what makes it a cake.
/forum/t-2846036/horror-of-the-fan-joke-scp#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 30 Oct 2017 00:04
