Though the draft of SCP-684 was generally well recieved in chat, after posting the finished article the general consensus appears to be that it is too similar to existing SCPs. However utilising ideas from the discussion thread I have rewritten the concept and would appreciate feedback before altering the main article. 1st draft of the rewrite can be found at http://scpsandboxwiki.wikidot.com/sirava-sandbox.
My one big gripe with the new draft is that it seems too focused on shoehorning in the images. While images are nice to have, in this case it feels somewhat forced and awkward, and a lot of text is used matching the description to the photo.
In regards to Leicontis' advice, I agree. Wacky images are best when there is little context or explanation, leaving the reader to come up with their own story. Plus the dude in the top doesn't look like a D-class prisoner.
But man, the thing I really want to see for this teleporting SCP is to have the subjects gruesomely dismembered and then have their corpses reassembled and shaped into duplicates of the other. I have my dark little heart set on that idea. :(
The first image is used as it allows me to escape from the phone booth concept; I found it by deliberatly looking for a faraday cage image rather than finding the image and trying to make it fit! The second image is designed to show that the contained SCP is in fact just a prototype, though I'll admit the hologram aspect is a little shoehorned in…
As for dismemberment… think about it; that is exactly what is happening, just all the way down to the genetic level. What else did you think the biological residue was? Would you prefer I be more graphic with the description?
Yes! Do something so graphic that the very thought of letting yourself get teleported by this thing feels like willingly stepping into an industrial shredder.
I think that really brings the whole issue of "do people die when they get teleported while a copy comes to life elsewhere" into stark view
To be honest I'm stumped as to how to do this in an SCP appropriate form. I could quite happily write a descriptive piece about it, but it wouldn't fit with the researcher vibe desired. Equally, I could write an interview transcript, but I'm not so good at that and feel it would be difficult to accomplise successfully without feeling contrived.
I really do like the last bit, linked to the Aquarium Booth pic. It hints to why this was created. It seems to me like a nice end piece to the article. The images are fine now, in my opinion.
Makes me think "it was just a prototype? MC&D would just let something like this get away?".
This looks like a good article; there are few things I wondered about, though:
-The 'biological residue' remaining in Test Chamber 1 was shown to be genetically identifiable, indicating that intact cells (and by extension, DNA elements) remained. As a biologist, I found myself wondering what kind of cells these were (most human cells are highly differentiated, such that muscle cells are very different from epithelial or nervous tissue.)
-When the cow was used to supply 'additional biological mass,' the implication was that its flesh was used successfully without any adverse or anomalous effects on the D-class personnel being transported. However, this was never explicitly stated, and I am curious as to whether the disassembly is so complete that even the bovine proteins in the cells are reconfigured into human ones post-transformation. If so, that would seem to contradict the idea of the 'biological residue' being recognizable as human (wouldn't it just be a mixture of CO2 and other biological compounds?) and if not, maybe include the idea that the D-class personnel were later autopsied and found to have bovine muscle/fat tissue somehow incorporated seamlessly into their bodies (without immune response?)
-Is the 'new' body of each individual actually composed of the same materials that made up the other body? My assumption is that this is the case, and that the two 'pools' of available biomatter are not mixed prior to reassembly, because if they had been, there would be no complications associated with transferring individuals of significantly different masses.
One other thing I thought of while reading the first half of the experiment was the possibility of tests that specifically address the above questions. If only the materials present in the subject on the other end of the telephone are used, would individuals infected with viral or bacterial illnesses somehow completely transfer their infection to their counterpart, due to mixing of their biological mass? If so, this could be used as an unconventional way of curing life-threatening illnesses (by, of course, transferring them to a D-class personnel?) If not, is this because bacterial or viral agents are decomposed and reconstructed intact along with their host?
I might even suggest 'authorised cross-SCP experiments' with individuals affected by, for instance, SCP-217; does the 'bio-clockwork' transfer, or is it not sufficiently biological? If it does, does using SCP-684 result in the bio-clockwork transferring with the person, or rearranging itself into the biology of the new arrival?
Experiments like this would certainly add to the squick factor by emphasizing the realization that upon using this machine, although your DNA and et cetera on a cellular level have been reconstructed, your 'new body' is, at the most basic level, constructed out of the basic molecular building blocks of someone else's body.
All in all, I approve of this SCP and would like to see it made official; my suggestion as per the 'shoehorned images' complaint is to put a black censor box over the eyes or entire head of the 'D-class personnel,' indicating a desire by the Foundation to keep its articles anonymous and impersonal, while at the same time removing the slight problem that the hard-hat and headset(?) don't look like something an expendable D-class personnel might wear.
Please excuse the wall of nitpicks! ^_^
I've incorparated your suggestions regarding tissue type into the article. My working theory is that the device first selects avaliable human tissue, then avaliable non-human tissue, then finally creates human tissue using atmospheric material.
Further tests may be introduced at a later date if the SCP is well recieved. I may try cross-testing as well, but would prefer to wait to see further ideas first.
Good call on the blocking out the head; I can't believe I didn't think of that! I am going to pixelate it instead though.
I will be updating the actual SCP article momentarily. All further discussion should probably be on its discussion page…