First SCP - SCP Foundation

First SCP

Forum » Writing Help / Help: Drafts and Critiques » First SCP

Started by:

Sigismund Kydoimos
Date: 29 Jul 2017 21:57
Number of posts: 5

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First SCP

Sigismund Kydoimos 29 Jul 2017 21:57

I would like your guys' opinions on my first SCP, talked to some people earlier this month and they helped me through it just wanted your opinions.

http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/sigismund-kydoimos

Giggity giggity. Giggity goo. Stick around.

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Sigismund Kydoimos, 29 Jul 2017 21:57

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Re: First SCP

Not Nick Pope 29 Jul 2017 23:14

Hiii.

I like your idea; to put it blatantly.

My personal opinions:
I suggest that instead of 'Level 3', you use 'Level 3 or higher'. It is more specific.

SCP-XXXX-1 has used it's physical strength previously to breach containment.

I think you should put relatively how strong it is.

I've been critiqued on using titanium before, be wary and make sure its what you want to use (Instead of the amazing supermetal it's thought to be)

The face of the statue changes

I would suggest specifying how it changes. Like 'The face of the statue is capable of changing its expression'

This just feels worded strangely

Immediately an interview was conducted.

I'd suggest 'An interview was immediately conducted with SCP-XXXX.'

I enjoyed reading it, and I hope this is able to help!

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Not Nick Pope, 29 Jul 2017 23:14

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Admin Post - Closed

Zyn 29 Jul 2017 23:22

Going to clear up some misinformation here.

"I suggest that instead of 'Level 3', you use 'Level 3 or higher'. It is more specific." > "Level-3 clearance" suffices, as it would be silly to assume that Level-4 clearance wouldn't be able to access Level-3 material just because the clearance titles are different.
"I think you should put relatively how strong it is." > This is unnecessary. It's fine to indicate through observation different shows of strength, but actually stating "SCP-XXXX is able to benchpress 500 kg" or the like will make the reader skeptical of how the Foundation managed to obtain that information, and also runs the risk of seeming like a statistic found on a video game boss listing than an SCP article that focuses on more than just numbers.
"I've been critiqued on using titanium before, be wary and make sure its what you want to use (Instead of the amazing supermetal it's thought to be)" > This doesn't really help the author because most people might just assume that it's what they want it to be unless given information indicating that it should not be. OP, I suggest reading this: http://www.scp-wiki.net/technical-words#toc12
"I would suggest specifying how it changes. Like 'The face of the statue is capable of changing its expression'" > The sentence you have provided changes the meaning from the original sentence.
"This just feels worded strangely" / An interview was immediately conducted with SCP-XXXX. > I personally would suggest, "An interview with SCP-XXXX was immediately conducted". There's less of a chance that the reader might misinterpret the prepositional phrase "with SCP-XXXX" as referring to an object, such as a microphone, like the sentence "He conducted the interview with a lavalier microphone".

Jay Rarch, as this is not the first time staff has needed to address unhelpful problematic feedback from you, you are now required to refrain from posting any further critique in the forums until you have written a successful mainsite page yourself. Any further infractions will result in disciplinary measures.