So, Dr. Wondertainment screwed with someone's mind to force him to dress, act and speak like a noir detective?
Date: 23 Sep 2011 04:43
Number of posts: 12
RSS: New posts
I think my favorite part of this is the fridge logic: the anomalous nature of this guy is that he's James Bond.
I fully expect that the more anomalous stuff involves probability alteration: once Mr. Mission is involved, you can be sure events will unfold like a spy novel.
Also, this is entertaining and well done. +1
Maybe I missed something, but I don't see anything SCP-ish about Mr. Mission. I just get that he's a "man on a mission" archetype. Where's the creepy? What's supernatural about him? Heck, it seems like all the Misters could be qualified for the "Mr. Mission" title. What with the quest for Mr. Redd and all.
On my way, another step closer towards salvation, towards my ultimate-and likely final-case. Closer and closer I got, one step closer and one step deeper.
Flipping through the magazine, some drivel about the economy that I grabbed in the airport, my thoughts wondered.
The 'my ultimate-and likely final-case' should have em dashes instead of hyphens. And I'm REASONABLY certain that that's supposed to be 'my thoughts wandered' instead of 'my thoughts wondered'.
I realise I could probably edit that myself, but I'm too scared to…
Otherwise, this is a pretty good piece of writing, with some very pretty prose in it.
I feel like these two bits could use some thesaurus assistance to reduce the repetition of the noted words:
… my thoughts wandered. Almost thoughtlessly, …
… Shutting the watch and clenching the old watch in a fist …
Just doesn't sound as smooth to me with currently. Just me?
This is one of the weakest in the series in its writing, but I just like the character in the context of being a little mister for the reasons moose said.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
I've written a tale upvoted by Djoric, Bright, Echo, Yoric, Moose, VAE and Voct, fite me irl if you don't respect