You've got a few basic grammar issues here. I suggest getting with a dedicated editor and working out the stylistic kinks. Other than that, I dig it. This is a pretty fresh presentation of what I expected to be a stale concept. Well done, particularly for a first try.
Date: 11 Oct 2011 10:03
Number of posts: 37
RSS: New posts
Really good tip! Going through with [REDACTED] editor helped. Inserting this step in my standard personal operating procedure when writing stuff.
As for the concept, I am trying to use some of the stuff I know more about (computers, especially the big ones) with screwy ideas I had in D&D campaigns. I had read somewhere that when writing stuff, stick to what you know.
Thanks for the help, and the interest!
And remember this occassion. When yoric likes an SCP, it usually means it's either very good , or he's very drunk .
This one…bothers me. But it's well written, and an interesting idea.
That being said, what's up with the city of [REDACTED] drifting towards the sun?
The message that was intercepted and modified should have moved the position of [REDACTED] in the simulation 1 array element to the left. Hm.. Maybe I should add this to the log or is it too forceful?
The redaction in this document is really awkward and flow-breaking. As a rule of thumb, there should never be censorship in the Special Containment Procedures section; after all, these are the instructions that are used in an emergency, and if they're censored, why even bother? If the way it's written requires censorship, try rewriting it.
"ao000002" <— I'm not sure how to feel about this. While a shout-out to the supreme deity of the D&D pantheon might be clue and/or clever, I'm not sure how much I like that in a SCP.
I know I'm literally five years late on this, but for those who come after: ao is probably not a reference to Ao, Overgod of Abeir-Toril, but rather, drawn from the same inspiration: A and O, Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. A common way to refer to God.
Okay… Consensus seems to be that it is too vague. I have changed the ending to more clearly express what happened.
@Raven. Interesting points. I altered the Containment procedures slightly but I think it should be ok to have something say don't screw this up or else, without defining the "else". The idea that Ao is a clue to the D&D god never crossed my mind :). It was a clue, but as par for course much more obscure then even Ao.
Hope it's better this way. :) As usual, thanks for the feedback. I still have got a lot to learn about writing as this is not only my first SCP but my first attempt at writing anything other than scientific papers.
EDIT: I could replace the Addendum 1.1b [DATA EXPUNGED] with what happened to the recovery team but it will more squicky, gory, creepy similar to 1.1a. I thought it would be boring to detail that too much as the focus is somewhere else.
I like the whole idea of a computer running ominous programs, but I do have one small thing to nit-pick on.
Don't tell people to refer to a specific addendum and then only have [REDACTED] as that addendum.
I'm having an idea of an god-like computer running simulations of entire worlds, I hope I'm somewhat on the mark there because that's awesome..
I like it, but don't we already have a really fast computer? This one's different in that it seems to be simulating something (maybe us), and I like that bit.
We have several things that are computer based, but I think the one you are thinking of (the more complicated the problem, the faster it went) was nuked.
Cool concept! Why did it get nuked? I could really see something like that being really dangerous…
I don't like it that much… It feels a bit cliche to me and it's not really doing anything interesting with the cliche. Though I liked the part where it's implied they accidentally half of the universe.
The last log really irks me. Why would the Foundation try to test the computer by teleporting an entire city? There's no way such a spectacular event would go unnoticed, and one of the Foundation's purposes is to keep the world at large ignorant of SCP objects!
I don't think it was the Foundation who teleported the city. That part of the narrative was an investigation log, so it's more of something they discovered that had happened. I'm assuming it involved the original professor in some fashion, as the log notes a rounding error in a doctor's programming and the professor's death note mentioned a rounding error.
Well.. the idea was that the attempt was to try and find out what the simulation does. The connection to the real world, if any, was made after the fact, and the researcher who did the testing didn't know that the city of [REDACTED] existed in the real world, and since he had been working for more than a year on the project by then, was quite obsessed. The Foundation did not know what would happen, or even that it could happen as nothing so far would suggest the connection. Hm.. maybe I should add a personal log of the researcher? Hm… Somehow I fear this might become too large.
@Judgdeadd: I am not sure which cliche I am subconsciously hitting, I am trying to play with the idea of large scale simulations, everything else is just "frilly bits". I would welcome other directions I could go with this :).
Also… I just decided to add a small other idea I had at the end… Might remove it again if it proves unpopular.