The SCP Foundation

Protective breathing apparatuses and level C HAZMAT suits must be worn by all personnel on-site, to help facilitate better breathing in the compromised environment and to prevent spiders 'hitching' a ride out of the park.

Don't like this sentence. Would be perhaps better as.

All personnel entering containment zone is required to wear level C hazardous materials protection, due to presence of fine particulate contaminants. Upon departure, a standard decontamination procedure (as per document FSP0371-D-B-07) is to be undertaken to prevent uncontrolled spread of SCP-1006.

For the record, there are tons of pictures of gigantic spider webs covering huge swaths of outdoor environments begging to be used here.

I'm not sure if I'll upvote. I love the idea of Marxist spiders, but for some reason I can accept that a lot more easily than the idea that the spiders speak English. I dunno.

who views the outside world as 'merely something that belongs to us that is being maintained by the bourgeoisie humanoids.'

Spiders are scary enough, but something about one viewing the whole world as its own possession is just disturbing. Well done.

This is stupid, but I love it.

I got half way through this before I stopped to upvote it. This is the best spider SCP we have, I would like to say.

I find this to be a fairly humorous article. Communist spiders? Fun times.

Communication has been relayed with this spider, who views the outside world as 'merely something that belongs to us that is being maintained by the bourgeois humanoids.'

I guess we better get to Stalin him.

I love this so much. I literally LOL'd at

These communications are largely centered around demands for the dismantling of western imperialism, a scathing critique of the bourgeoisie, and a request for less mosquito spraying in the surrounding area of the park.

This reads like an Onion article.

This is amazing and you should feel amazing.

Thank you to Voct for the idea that the spiders should be communist, thanks to everyone who helped me adopt a clinical style, and thanks to the warm reception!

If they weren't communists, they'd be a crude democracy, and we can agree that communism is funnier for some reason.