Decided it was probably time to post this after it'd been up in sandbox and forums for a couple of days. This is my first SCP, so please tell me where I (in all likelihood) screwed it up.
SCP-1109 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1109.
I'm downvoting temporarily for three reasons (not all of which can be fixed, I'm sorry. I'll probably upvote if you fix at least some of them though). First, there does not seem to be a hook. It's a bag what makes things what stop you from hurting. It's just really not scary or thought-provoking, in my mind.
Second, it's a bag what makes things what are anomalous. Those are extremely difficult to do, and I'm not sure this one quite nails it. Third, most of the entries in the log don't add anything to the article except words. They could probably be trimmed down a bit, or at least made more interesting than "he hurt himself and didn't know and then died."
So yeah, small, nitpicky things. Very good for a first SCP though.
I'm sorry about the problems that can't be resolved, and I don't really know what to do about the lack-of-a-hook, but I've cut out one of the logs which was rather weak in retrospect, and I'll probably reformat the 'hurt self, didn't notice, died' log. I mostly put it there as an antidote to a potential reader not getting the point (that a lack of a pain response is a serious problem). I might update it to a short-and-sweet 'X personnel have died due to injuries or infections related to SCP-1109'-style addendum later.
I actually loved the incident log, specifically because it is an anecdote, and really explains the insidious nature of the SCP. But what really gets my upvote is the mention of one of the anomalous items being found in civilian possession. The thought of whether it broke containment or wasn't fully contained to begin with has always given me the chills, so bravo. The rest of the article was a bit lackluster, but ehh… Good tone, and great first try. +1
I find it hard to believe that this is your first article. Very good.
I agree with Reject in that there's not a hook, but your article still leaves me to wonder how the bag would make those sharp objects things what make people stop feeling. Pretty interesting, if you ask me.
Perhaps the only thing that I'm curious about is that the bag won't affect things what aren't intended to be sharp. That seems subjective; plenty of people would argue that a pencil point should be sharp. I don't know; maybe this is just me.
Great first article, though. Well done.
I get the sense that this is a prototype object that was meant to be a good thing (hey, surgery with no pain, yay!) but never got finished. Makes me wonder who made it, and why they weren't able to finish. Upvoted.
I hoped someone would pick up on that! That was the sense I was trying to get across with the specifics of the effect and the stamp for Aceso Medical- something that could have been wonderful if they'd been able to work out the kinks, but is instead useless and dangerous.
I rather like it. There are a few little hang-ups in grammar (omitted commas and run-ons, mostly); I'll fix them if you like. Overall, though, the tone is darn good — especially for a first SCP! — and the effect reasonably interesting. My favorite part is the containment, though; I like the level of detail, and how much the procedures imply about the object itself. They hook you in nicely, in my opinion.
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page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
