I have a draft of my first SCP attempt here.
Advice and commentary would be appreciated.
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I like it. Not sure why a pregnant woman would eat them though, and magical compulsion gets weaker every time. Well, it's fine used as is, there's just no explanation why a pregnant woman, walking through a field, would just go "I know, let's eat these flowers!"
Aside from that, it's good as far as I can tell.
I don't think the concept has enough of a hook or sufficient 'creepy factor'. The addendum does add genuine creepy to it, I think it needs more, though.
I like the quality of the writing (grammar, tone, etc,).
Thanks for reading folks. And for the complements. I've got a few answers.
Why would anyone eat these? Bellflowers of various types have been used in salads since the middle ages; the leaves and roots. My concept was that people did a little foraging, like for mushrooms and picked them. Perhaps I could punch that idea up a little more.
I'm glad the addendum was at least a little creepy. It was meant to be. <g>
There is indeed folklore behind this. Harebells were believed to have been eaten and otherwise used by witches in spells, one of which was to transform them into hares. The name Dead Man's Bells, and also Pixie Thimbles (I didn't mention that one in the article) come from the belief that fairies or other creatures would cast spells on those who trampled or picked the blooms. There is also another species of bellflower, Campanula rapunculus, the Rampion Bellflower, which is also known by the name Rapunzel; and is the plant described in some versions of that story. I combined the folklore for the two for this particular plant. And the hair/hare pun is an easter egg. (Heh. More rabbits.)
Should I play up the folklore aspect; make it more blatant? Make the rabbits/nightmare people more sinister, somehow?
Oh. And you're probably right about it being Safe. Unless I work in a compulsion. I don't really want to have a magical compulsion to this, beyond the craving aspect. Maybe bellflowers are a traditional not-quite-crop in the area? Maybe pregnant women were traditionally supposed to eat them as a source of vitamins.
Definitely make the folklore a little more blatant, I'd say. I've never heard of people eating these sorts of things, so it must not be local to my area, and thus, I would assume, to many others.
I've continued to leave the folklore out of it, for now. But I tried to set it up so that the initial consumption wasn't so out of left field.
I'm leaving it as Euclid for the moment, because there is some difficulty in containing it. It grows wild throughout the area, but The Foundation is trying to keep it to one meadow.
Is this any better?
One thing that helps a SCP is to make it look like it has some history within the Foundation. I think that the timeline should be pushed forward, adding more detail about the rabbits (maybe they are stealing samples to try to spread it, catch a few and study them). Then show that the containment procedures have been updated and it is contained in an underground greenhouse in Site-71, and all wild specimens are actively removed. This would then turn it Safe and take much less effort to contain. You might ask our resident botanist, Photosynthetic, to critique this entry before you post it on the main board. Also, read her entry on taxonomic nomenclature.
PS MTF 'Roundup' (heh heh)
I like the timeline idea, and transplanting it. It makes a lot more sense than keeping it in situ. And thank you for suggesting I speak to Photosynthetic.
I've done another update, and will send a message to Photosynthetic to see if she will take a look at it.
I'm glad you liked the 'Roundup'. <g>
To me it definitely has a hook / creepy factor. But it's the rabbit. You wrote down this:
Said rabbit/hare as described is recognizable as a local variety which is common in, and apparently unique to the ██████ Valley. The person carrying the infant will walk farther and farther away from the subject as the nightmares continue, and the hare/rabbit will creep closer and closer.
Which I really liked. I mean a rabbit staring at you, creeping closer and closer, that's pretty cool and scary in my book. But then you wrote:
The subjects will be convinced that the nightmare individual has taken the child, seemingly unaware of the remains.
And I was thinking "What individual?" I completely forgot about the 'individual carrying an infant' because the rabbit was way more scary, or at least captured my attention / imagination much better. So I say focus on the rabbit.. What I would do (but that's just me) is, I would make it clear in the end that the rabbit (or whatever it is) is responsible for the death of the child, and that the 'individual' in the nightmares is just a mirage, or distraction, being used by the rabbit. But that's just my $0,02.
OK. What if instead of a person carrying the children away, the victims see an infant in the company of one of the rabbits, some distance away, and then the rabbit comes closer and closer until the child cannot be seen behind them. The victims would then blame the rabbits upon the death of the child.
The person taking the child away was a reference to the folkloric witches that changed into rabbits, that I mentioned upthread. But if they seem to be extraneous…
Ooh. Or perhaps they would see one of the rabbits and then soon discover the child's body as opposed to the 'my child has been taken' delusion. Watership Down. When the Black Rabbit calls your name…
Yes ^ that first paragraph of this last post. That's it imo. Expand on that. You know, tell a creepy tale around that. I mean, what is more horrendous than rabbits staring at you, hopping closer and closer and then….. well use your imagination. I'm a fan of your tale already.
Creepy rabbits; what's not to love??
I am liking this, the layers show an ongoing process. A minor thing; the Foundation is skilled at capturing ghosts, devils, and even deities. a spooky rabbit should be obtainable. I would suggest that the ones they capture be totally normal rabbits with nothing at all strange about them. Whatever is causing the odd behavior seems to be an outside force. This would allow odd sightings of rabbits around Site-71…
Tightened things up, revised the dreams, and added a final note from Site-71 Security.
I'd like to thank you guys for your help. I think I'm just about ready to submit.
Any further thoughts?