Simply, a plush version of real penguins. They eat, they sleep, they [DATA EXPUNGED]. No XK-End of the world class objects here.
Date: 30 Mar 2012 21:13
Number of posts: 37
RSS: New posts
- While an interesting concept, this draft is far too short to be interesting as it is, not to mention there's a lack of subtle creepiness that is the hallmark of most SCP articles.
- "incest" is a human term. When applied to animals, it is "inbreeding".
- "Allowed to wander the site" is really tacky and breaks the tone of the Foundation. I highly suggest you remove that.
- In the future, please create a SINGLE sandbox page using your name as the title. You should not be creating a new page for each individual draft.
1. I thought that much be a problem, will be looked into
2. Will fix that
3. I agree, was hesitant in writing it
4. On an iPod, and making collapsables is a pain in the ass, but will do.
You probably shouldn't be working on more than one functioning draft at the same time anyways, it's too much attention to split. Even if you overwrite your sandbox, the history will keep every revision you've ever made.
I thought of a creepy thing for them to do. Will incorporate it within the next hour or so. Please check back on it ever once in a while! :D
Finished it, hope it isn't too short.
I'm really tempted to make it a fully safe and adorable SCP
For every 5 adorable SCPs there's 20 SCPs that are the equivalent to 682
How about instead of tackling and tearing apart, they had been observed staring at installed cameras and personnel intensely. Viewers report a feeling of duty to release them. Or something, not sure yet.
Maybe the effected personnel feels the need to remove eye contact, but can't, eventually to the point of attempting to remove their eyes, and eye contact can only be broken by external means (someone tackling them, etc)
After quite a few hours of consideration, I have decided that it is finished. I have made one last update, and would like criticism.
It's like, one paragraph. I barely know what it does. Therefore. make it longer!
I feel the addendum is a little tacked on. Ehh, not horrible, but I'm sure you can do something more with that. As it stands, plush penguins that act like real penguins and also have penchant for creepily staring into surveillance cameras isn't really doing it for me. I think the creepiness should flow organically from the item is and what it does.
How about I put that then emperor penguins have been slowly popping up in containment? And they seem to stare into the security cameras at all times, as to distract us from something?
I'm pretty sure there's already a SCP that distracts personnel while something horrible is happening… A more senior member can probably help me out with that. It's a good concept if you can drop enough hints about what it is it is distracting personnel from, and leaving enough space for the reader to fill in the blanks.
- It's still damn short and lacks a hook
- A lot of necessary information is omitted. Diet? Why natural snow? etc.
- Sentence structure is choppy in a lot of places. There are waaay too many fragments
- Tone needs work
Feel free to edit tone problems, I still seem to have problems with it
Fragments are a big problem, and I have noticed them. Can't seem to think of a way to fix them
Still too short? Fuuuu
And about the hook, please explain further into what a hook really is, I dont seem to understand correctly
I will add and delete needed and unneeded information
Also, their diet is SCP-XXX-3, the food source
You know, I wasn't too hot on the idea at first, but you got the workings of something interesting here. The plush fish, the "something being stolen from me" line, the vaguely sinister picture. I don't think it's ready to be posted yet but it's come a long way to something decent. Something is crystallizing here and I think I like it.
Thing is, I don't know what must be done to be able to post it
My last two SCPs bombed, and this is the closest I've come to success
In my defense, I'd like to mention that finger skeleton was a good idea
Well… I haven't posted an SCP yet so obviously I'm no expert… but it seems like the more you refine the concept and take it out of the bland 'something cute that's EVILLL' territory, the better it gets.
Like, take the creepy staring for example. It went from 'subjects feel extreme paranoia' -> 'subjects feel distracted' -> 'it feels something was stolen from me'. It goes from meh to oh shit, this thing violates you in a way you can't quite put your finger on. It's good stuff.
I think what brings this article together is the fact that when looking at the picture you go "I can't seem to imagine this being evil- ohshi-"
I feel as though I should post it. Cant really get any better criticism than that. It's a simple yes or no. I hate guessing if it's ready