Date: 22 Apr 2012 16:26
Number of posts: 38
RSS: New posts
You missed "Incident XXX" at the bottom.
While this is a decent idea, you spend far too much time digging into the technical tidbits, and don't get to the point fast enough. I, for one, prefer to explain what the function of an object is immediately, and then go into detail afterwards.
Instances of SCP-1243-2 are [ little green men ] which appear in the vicinity of individuals "purchased"
If I can do this, its a bad expungement.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
I've written a tale upvoted by Djoric, Bright, Echo, Yoric, Moose, VAE and Voct, fite me irl if you don't respect
Well originally I had guys in ski masks. Someone in the discussion said that just made it feel like an abnormally effective criminal organization.
It's not bad for that reason.
Instances of SCP-1243-2 are [DATA EXPUNGED] which appear in the vicinity of individuals "purchased" using SCP-1243-1, for the purpose of abducting such individuals. Subjects vary greatly in appearance, though they are usually described as vaguely humanoid.
He ends up telling us they are vaguely humanoid, and then follows to tell of their damage resistance.
That… sort of leaves me wondering why is there an expungement at all since if he had defined what they are in the original document, the next sentence is redundant, (Think of it with your filler - little green men of vaguely humanoid appearance) and if he hadn't…. then I can't quite imagine anything of importance that could have been expunged there.
Zen and the art of data redacted is good thing to read on this topic
I'll keep all this in mind. I really wanted the horror factor here to be the human basterdry of those who would use a service like this. I went with the mysterious humanoid thing because I was told having normal humans doing the kidnapping didn't make it feel anomalous enough and just having the target disappear felt like a cop out.
Well, you managed to do that allright - it's the reason I upvoted it in the end.
Now , to be honest, if you have some humanoid figures do it, having it not fail no matter what happens, is , in my opinion, bad form - it's exactly the same as having them disappear, just looking different. . You started well enough with them being possible to dismember.. .consider having it such that if they get murderkilled during the retrieval attempt, additional fee is charged to the one who made the request - replacement for them.
What sort of fee.. .well, that's up to you.
This has a nice creepypasta vibe to it. Upvoted.
One suggestion. You could trim this down:
Only personnel with a security clearance of 4 or higher who have been assigned to the maintenance of SCP-1243
By just making the clearance 4/1243.
I just noticed this, and I'm not sure it's a good idea.
Quoting Security Clearance Levels page
LEVEL 4: Command-level personnel; permitted access to all non-Keter level SCP objects.
Given that, 4/1243 is rather redundant.
Personally, I still feel like this should still be more of a matter for law enforcement than the Foundation. It's a little more interesting than the original draft was, but it's still just an organized crime syndicate with a website and some guys what fight good.
Is there any lasting effect on the kidnapping victims? All the article says is that they "appear" in the vicinity of the ordering person - one assumes they could just simply run away, tell the police they'd been kidnapped, and the guy who placed the order would be arrested.
I think this has promise, but i'm withholding my vote for now.
I really don't like this for some reason—just the idea of being able to magically abduct people is too much.
"…the location where maintenance of SCP-1243 was being performed…."
Should that be "the location where research into SCP-1243" or similar? If the Foundation doesn't have containment of SCP-1243, I don't see how the word "maintenance" could possibly apply.
This is pretty cool, but the fact that this incredibly useful too is available for Foundation use makes it hard to think that anyone could effectively oppose them. Why not use this thing to abduct the directors of MC&D, or Chaos Insurgency members? It just messes with my suspension of disbelief when something comes up that's incredibly powerful and useful and the Foundation doesn't use it for their own ends; I've just come to expect that kind of bastard behavior, like with SCP-596 for example.
Well, it says in the containment procedures that they don't want to use it because they don't know how it gathers data and they don't want to risk a containment breach.
True enough, that's a fair point. I still think the potential benefits massively outweigh the risks though, and that there are conceivable ways to minimize the risks. Maybe have a test log of something that scared them away from the idea of exploiting this and lead to the decision to stop testing? Seeing some negative consequences to using this thing would definitely help.