Hey guys! Well, I finally finished an insanely rough draft of my very first SCP entry! I know you're all DYING to read it (/sarcasm), so here's the link: *The Link*
Basic idea: goggles that pierce your eyes with needles, yet allow you to manually dilate your pupils.
Keep in mind that this is a very rough draft. Like, if I put the actual rough draft through SCP-914 on the Rough setting, then that would be this. I know that there are TONS of problems with it (even the idea may be a bit screwy). Mainly when writing it, it was extremely late at night. Even when it wasn't night, a certain outside force made it feel like it was late at night. I think that my tiredness somehow reflected upon my writing, and since it was always late at night (well, almost always), proofreading had little effect.
I'd just like a second pair of eyes to look over the document and point out any flaws, plot holes, inconsistencies, unexplained bits, informal language, etc. Oh, and if you're really feeling up to it, I might need a tiny bit of pointers on how to make that hook in the beginning better (the italicized note; basically, I want people to say, "What's so bad about these goggles? :o").
Thanks in advance for the advice! ^_^