Groundhog Dave Please let me know what changes I should make to this, as I am now quite married to this idea.
I don't know, the concept is….okay. It just doesn't catch my attention. And that log seems off to me as well. It just didn't grab me and pull me into the story really. I know it is a rough, but I feel it needs a real hook to it (in my opinion).
The unstated concept is that this man is struck with grief and wishes he could re-do his life's greatest mistake. Instead, he is forced to follow in the footsteps of Bill Murray, a thousand times over. He is potentially useful, but because of his depression, hasn't provided much help. Whenever he relives his biggest regret, he relives that day. On the days where he is happy or distracted, he relives the day much fewer times. In a perfect world, he would accept his fate which would release him, but he regrets his actions more with every waking moment. As much as he wishes to end his life, he in unable to. All of this is suggested, but subtly. Would it make it better for any of this to be made obvious?
One problem: it's not an SCP. It's an unfortunate guy suffering from an unusual form of psychosis. There is literally nothing anomalous about this dude other than 'a shift in position', which is poorly explained at best, and him knowing about a containment breach, which is a pretty severe non-sequitur. Think about it: how did the Foundation find out about this? There's nothing in the article that tells me anything except 'really odd delusion experienced by a mental patient'.
There are a lot more problems with this one beyond that as well. You've misused object classes (how is a failed suicide attempt enough to prompt a reclassification request when all dangerous objects have been removed?). You've managed to sneak a few SPCs in there. You've written a log which, I'm sorry to say, is pretty uninteresting and riddled with holes (how did he not get apprehended while making the crossbow? how did he know how to turn a piano into a crossbow? how did he know about the containment breach? why is the fact that he was stopped from committing suicide 'proof' that he cannot harm himself?). And you've not made enough out of the description. The reader is left with an extremely limited view of the object or it is interesting or important, which isn't that interesting. Ideally, you should never rely on the logs or addenda to provide the 'punch' for an SCP. They can be used to make a good SCP into a really good one, but they alone do not make the article.
Thank you for your feedback!
I think you misunderstood me. The SCP is actually living the events of each day many times. He is able to predict the future of each day. He was able to create the crossbow because he practiced creating it many other times. The repeated days which he experiences actually happen, we are just not able to observe their occurrence.
I thought I had made this obvious, but your confusion proves that is not the case. What part made you think otherwise?
Also, the reclassification is due to the fact that outside observable time he might gain experience necessary to free himself from his restraints.
Well none of that is in the article. I'm aware of what you were trying to go for with this, it's just that you've not put enough of this information into the article. You've gone for subtlety, but it's the sort of subtlety that strips the article of quality rather than adds it. You're writing, in-universe, for the rest of the site's staff. If you don't put enough information about his abilities and the concerns that have been raised about his containment, the next person who takes over the supervision of this guy is going to screw up and lose a highly valuable SCP object.
EDIT: Hit post too early there, needed to finish off my post.
I think some more work needs to be done to separate this SCP from any fictional characters that it resembles, most notably Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. Just reliving days isn't unique enough to keep people from instantly thinking that you based this off an established character. It needs more of a twist.
Off the top of my head, perhaps his relives each day three times. 1) Every day goes perfectly (he hits all the green lights on the way to work, he gets a perfect parking spot, he wins the lottery, etc). 2) Every day goes horribly (his dog dies, he gets into a car accident, a horrible natural disaster happens somewhere). 3) A normal day which features the occasional event from both previous repetitions.
Thanks! I can see that it might be bad that he is based off of an existing character, so I'll see what I come up with for a twist. That idea is great, but I'd prefer to somehow retain the fact that he is in a self-made purgatory.
Okay, which, if any, work best?
Every so often (about once a year) at the 1 o'clock shift subject disappears from containment entirely and instead is "replaced" with a woman and young girl. When asked who they are, it is revealed that they are SCP-XXX's wife and daughter. After 24 hours, they vanish again and SCP-XXX has no memory of any occurrences of the previous day.
Although he shows no physical signs of aging, subject experiences memory loss consistent with patients in the late stages of Alzheimer's.
At the last occurrence of every day, subject reports dying, but is still unable to cause this death whether by his own actions or by foundation personnel. COD's include heart attack, stroke, major organ failure or asphyxiation. Death is only witnessed once, subject passing in his sleep.
Subject is Hispanic (running out of ideas)
None of those really grab me for this SCP. Although I think the idea of a family that becomes desynched, so only one can exist in this world at any time, is interesting and tragic.
I like that idea too. I wish I could combine the ideas without over-complicating it, but I think it would result in something completely different than my goal.
If I were to post the article as is, would it be a mistake? That is, do you think that the fact it is an alteration of a movie concept would cause downvoting? None of the events are taken from the movie and it focuses more on exploring the perspective of an outside viewer.
If this fails, I always have the disjointed family idea to replace it with.