I had some issues with the tone, and the 682 reference. But for the line "One copy of the 'Containment Procedures' in every hotel of America is not enough?" and for the concept, bravo.
Date: 23 May 2012 22:42
Number of posts: 24
RSS: New posts
This is pretty damn good. Gripped me in a way few tales do. And that line about a set of containment procedures in every hotel was pretty fantastic.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
I've written a tale upvoted by Djoric, Bright, Echo, Yoric, Moose, VAE and Voct, fite me irl if you don't respect
I feel like this could use another edit, though I can't pick anything out specifically at the moment.
But overall, this is good, and I find myself very intrigued by everything in here, which is the fundamental thing I ask for from a story. Upvoted.
Nice tale, I quite enjoyed it.
Minor nitpick: The last line -
The dog got up and spat his cigarette. "After you… Senior Researcher Cain."
Who or what is this YW?
UPD: what does the whole "seven thirds" passage mean?
Yeah, that is a bit mathy.
The apocalypse destroys a third of all living beings (probably not originally in the way I meant here, but.)
Cain has a brand that states all that harms him will be returned sevenfold to the offender.
7 * 1/3 = 7/3.