Interested reading, or naw? - SCP Foundation

Interested reading, or naw?

Forum » Writing Help / Help: Ideas and Brainstorming » Interested reading, or naw?

Started by:

ISOSI
Date: 29 Jan 2018 18:32
Number of posts: 6

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Summary:

Short tale about a custom location; just another day at the Foundation office turned EOW scenario

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Interested reading, or naw?

ISOSI 29 Jan 2018 18:32

Short tale about a custom location; just another day at the Foundation office turned EOW scenario with a stupid funny twist… also I made sure to type it in sandbox like a good boy

Setting (also contain back story)
- Area-01
  - A very old (Cold War era) Foundation installation, and former location for Site-01 before it was relocated. Area-01 is a heavily fortified bunker, and is in near total isolation from power, communications, and provisional supplies
  - In the setting's time, it now acts as an information repository, and contains a vast wealth of documents, records, data, files, and various archival artifacts of the Foundation. This location is a last resort for Foundation information backup; however, unknown to most of its personnel, it secretly contains the majority of the Foundation's highest secrets. So much so, that long ago the Foundation initiated Project Alexandrian to protect the location's wealth of knwoledge
- Project Alexandrian
  - Primarily consists of an emergency sequester of the most vital Foundation information into the Oblivion Capsule (code-named, Device-K "Kingdom") akin to a time-capsule, except it is designed to be hardened against reality warping end of world scenarios
  - The second part of Project Alexandrian is a milliard-scale, Scalar Warhead fail-safe (code-named, Device-C "Cometh"). This warhead contains the only SCP object housed at Area-01, an anomalous material, which when it reaches critical mass, enters a super-matter state, releasing reality effecting anti-particles. Said particles annihilate most hypothetical forms of sentience within the weapon's range; mockingly referenced by its development team as a 'soul bomb'
  - The final part of Project Alexandrian, is base's computerized sentinel; an aged artificial intelligence dubbed AnTHEMIC (Apolar Turing HypEr Mainframe IntelligenCe). Anthem is an incredibly powerful computer, and one of the few things that might survive the detonation of Device-C. It has near complete control of facility operations. However, no personnel at Area-01 are aware of Anthem, or even know its true designation. All that is know about the computer is that it is a buggy, out of date, automated announcement subsystem for the base intercom
Main Characters
- Researcher Kord MrArthur - obsessive analyst, and perhaps one of the better researchers at the base
- Researcher Corey Milorad - also a top analyst and close friend of Kord; specializes in Foundation history
- Data Specialist Mila Quintus - works with the aged computer systems on the base
- Archives Specialist Amelia Raluca
- Security Officer Royle Ansel - casual work aquantence turned stout ally in the trials ahead
- Director Ruslan - main liability and main antagonist for most of the story
- Area Mainframe Computer (Anthem) - helpful, but only as much as it can, as the facility is in disrepair
Setup
- Suicide investigation of top scientist
  - Dr. Willett Thompson (a head researcher of cognitohazard and mementics) suddenly has a compulsion, and commits a routine suicide; however, carved into his office desk is a cryptic message, that appears to be incomplete - leaving no other discernible clues as to why he died
  - Area-01 staff, since they preform intense analysis, are assigned to essentially go back through the deceased doctor's Foundation records in attempts to discover anything that might have lead to his death
  - The cryptic messages is objectively identified by first responders and containment personnel as a non-hazard - what is believe to have been a suicide from normal work stress is largely, and quickly dismissed as non-anomalous
  - The main character analysis team, Kord, and Corey decode the message; as Mila and Amelia uncover the some important documents pertaining to the doctor's past
  - Upon presenting the decoded message to an assembly of area personnel, a massive riot ensues as a vast number of personnel begin to physically assault their co-workers
  - The automated announcement system declares a state of emergency, and Area-01 is locked down under quarantine; however it may be too late, as most of the personnel have been overwhelmed by the phenomena. The countdown begins…
Main Plot
- Kord, Amelia, and Royle, and a newly revealed Anthem, must battle against hordes of their indoctrinated co-workers, escape the facility, and alert the Foundation to the crisis as there is reason to believe most every Foundation installation is at risk for what is going on around them
- Making matters worse, the Level Two Quarantine has locked Anthem from deactivating the fail-safe timer countdown, which is slowly ushering them closer to the initialization of Level Three Quarantine, and annihilation of all sentience in Area-01, and the surrounding hemisphere
- Toilet paper, and clogged toilets may be responsible
- Also, Kord has to crap real bad

Last edited on 30 Jan 2018 00:33 by ISOSI Show more

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Unfold Interested reading, or naw? by

ISOSI, 29 Jan 2018 18:32

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Re: Interested reading, or naw?

Zyn 01 Feb 2018 01:24

So, this is a lot, and there's really too much material happening with too many names and keywords thrown in without really orienting me as a reader as to what's going on. I feel like that will be your main obstacle if you want to try writing this up: making sure you're introducing details at a manageable pace for a reader to follow without feeling overwhelmed or confused, while still keeping their attention. Remember, there's no automatic guarantee that your reader will want to learn and remember all these keywords and new things you're introducing (and that you as the author are inherently invested in), so your tale will need to convince them that all that new memorization is worth it.

Can we get a shorter, more straightforward rendition of the plot? Right now, all I'm getting is "ragtag group of people escape the place they used to work in to try and warn everyone else about something" and also there's a bunch of new things in bold for the reader to remember. Kind of reminds me of a couple video games and apocalypse movies, to be honest. Might be workable, but likely will be difficult to attain a novelty factor.

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Zyn, 01 Feb 2018 01:24

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Re: Interested reading, or naw?

ISOSI 01 Feb 2018 18:20

My outline does give a lot of information, but not all of it will be presented to the reader directly. Most of it will be explained through context - picked up as artifacts of setting, character actions, dialogue, etc. I don't intend to throw anyone into boiling water.

But seeing as actually reading though all that is difficult (mostly contextual and simply there for authorial perspective)… I'll break the plot down into a simpler list:

Kord (main character) finds a notice on his desk, with files enclosed, detailing the enigmatic death of the doctor (Dr. Willett Thompson). Setting is introduced, and Sam makes an appearance
All personnel at the Area get called to briefing, via Area Mainframe Computer (Anthem), to be told operations command is making the doctor case priority one for all analysts at the site
On the way, Sam and Kord briefly exchange with Security Officer Royle about the situation, and then enter the briefing hall to find Director Ruslan lamenting that the bathrooms in the Faculty Sector are being clogged by someone, and he's tired of the complaints from janitorial and faculty staff alike
Without further ado, Director Ruslan tells all the analyst personnel that the Thompson case is top priority, and he disseminates orders as to who is assigned each component
Sam and Kord are designated as one of the decryption cells for the doctor's final message, whilst Mila and Amelia are given the task browsing the doctor's records at the Foundation to find any anomalies, or inconsistencies that might have lead to his death
Meeting adjourned, Sam pokes fun at Mila and Amelia, mentioning that they are going to have to pile back through a life history of documents just to find out the doctor kicked the bucket over work stress
Mila fires back that Sam and Kord get to examine the crazed scribbles of that very same doctor
A deal is struck between the groups, who uncovers something first, the losers have to buy drinks at the faculty lounge
Mila and Amelia go to the document and data repository (formally site-01 R&D) to find what might have made the doctor snap
Sam and Kord start trying to figure out what the doctor's suicide note was, but before they can finish, Amelia comes prancing by declaring her team found twenty-eight reasons that might have set the doctor off
Amelia plops a bundle of files on the duo's desk. Sam, disgruntled, wanders back off to the faculty lounge to take a break. Kord is left to finish the analysis. He manages to uncover what the doctor was trying to say, but it is just as confusing

This is the part where, I might consider making this a series, rather than a single tale? Feedback so far? I'm also thinking about starting later in the story (amidst action), and then flashing back to how it began.

Last edited on 01 Feb 2018 18:24 by ISOSI Show more

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ISOSI, 01 Feb 2018 18:20

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Re: Interested reading, or naw?

Zyn 01 Feb 2018 18:33

I'll break the plot down into a simpler list:

Most of this seems to be conversations/talking, and the ending doesn't really seem to solve the main conflict (which seems to be figuring out the "enigmatic death").

This is the part where, I might consider making this a series, rather than a single tale?

Probably? It seems like it would need to be a series, since the ending of your outlined tale seems unfinished.

Feedback so far?

Seems a little bland, but then, what you have here seems to be a prelude. If your characters are solid, realistic, and relatable, that will help a lot.

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Zyn, 01 Feb 2018 18:33

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Re: Interested reading, or naw?

ISOSI 18 Dec 2018 20:05

I am no longer working on this project. Please lock.

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ISOSI, 18 Dec 2018 20:05

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Admin Post - Info - Closed

Zyn 19 Dec 2018 09:17

Please lock.

Locked, since I watch Recent Posts. But in the future, send an admin or mod a PM for this sort of request. More likely someone will see it quickly then.

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Unfold Admin Post - Info - Closed by

Zyn, 19 Dec 2018 09:17

page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57

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