Thanks to a lot of people in s19 for critique, and Wilt, Scan, and Soul for the Title brainstorming.
Date: 20 Jun 2012 07:02
Number of posts: 109
RSS: New posts
For what the actual implication is, you present it in a way that's subtle enough that it doesn't come out as too obvious and tasteless, and you manage to make it interesting. Upboated.
parts of its exposed flesh softly
Tone here is a biiit off.
This continues for some time
Would be better as 'approximately X minutes'
This is like a crazy acid trip, but I like it. However, if you didn't tell me the concept beforehand I wouldn't have been able to pick it out. Is there a way you can make it more obvious?
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
I will revise those, thanks.
Also, no, I shouldn't, but I understand if it's too surreal, it just has to stay like this.
I mean, I have some guesses as to what the concept is, but I can't see how the birds and the old Jewish guy fit into it. Still, this has a nice insanity and dream logic to it, so I think I approve.
Anaxa, here's a spoiler, don't read this if you don't want it ruined.
Between the stuff in this spoiler block and the next, that's about what I had figured. But the explanation for the birds and Jewish guy scene still seems a bit weak. And I'm not quite sure why it's contained to only one room. But no matter. The imagery here is still quite good, in a demented sort of way.
I should write an SCP like this, one that's mostly just completely messed up imagery. That would be fun to do.
GPS positioning reveals the location of the entity to be in the same location as Dr. Sanders, although testing reveals this to be false.
"Dr. Sanders, do you observe a living septic tank to be standing right where you are?"
"Very well, then. Dr. Sanders, are you perchance a living septic tank?"
"Not to the best of my knowledge."
"We're going to need to verify that with a biopsy, Dr. Sanders. This interview is concluded."
"Dr. Sanders motions for a guard carrying SCP-1782…"
Didn't you mean SCP-1782-1 ?
What the hell is this? Seriously - what the hell is this?
I've read this three times now and I have absolutely no idea what in the hell is going on. No individual sentence seems to have any relation whatsoever to the sentences prior to it. I'm beginning to wonder if this was written by the random text generator they used to write Atlanta Nights.
Downvoted for sheer incomprehensibility.
It's trying to get back. It thought it was somewhere safe but she hated it she wanted it to go away she was full of filth and lies before well now she's full of filth forever. it's a parasite, she told it that, it just consumes and sucks away at life, she was SUPPOSED to give herself to it freely but the hateful bitch wouldn't do it she tried to GET RID OF IT