Hopefully that link works, this is the first time I've used the sandbox.
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I read through it and didn't get what the big deal was… I know there are vibrating obelisks tetrahedron things that are apparently dangerous… but it seems to come down to… "dangerous things that kill everything around them every so often".
Perhaps I missed somethings reading through it a couple times, but I shouldn't have to read it multiple times to understand it.
Can you tell me your idea in a single paragraph? Better yet a single sentence? I think I can help more once I have a better idea of what you are trying to pull off.
Sure- it's a countdown timer. The nodes are "transistors" in a giant underground computer, and every 77 days they send off a signal to Kepler 20-d. Every pulse consumes a power unit (the obelisks), of which there is a limited supply. The scare is what's going to happen when the basement runs dry.
My problem, I think, is that there's a lot of information I didn't include (or edited out) because it was starting to get way too long. i tried to inject the suspense into the tests and journal entry, but maybe its just falling flat.
This is probably nit picking, but you should change "an average star". That's not very scientific, and I have no idea what that means. Average as in size? Average as in class? I'm really not sure.
Ok I see where you are going now that you mention a countdown timer, but I think there is a problem in the fact that there are no indications of what we are counting down to and why the signal is being sent. A couple hints on this would give more urgency. However be careful not to be too heavy handed with the danger factor, I speak from experience that the community doesn't like "this is serious sh**" pounded in their faces ;)
I think a bit of organizational cleanup will help too, but I don't have time at the moment. I will try and put together some suggestions later.
Thanks for the input, I'll try to work on it this evening.
Since Kepler 20-d is so far away, we would not be able to detect changes in it in real-time, but in my original notes, the number of "power units" in the basement dated the start of the countdown over 2000 years ago- so, we could observe changes in the planet that started back then. Maybe a 77-day cycle of some visible anomaly. (My idea is that the SCP is communicating with something on 20-d.) How about recording something leaving the planet and beginning approach? It could be on course to impact earth at the last energy pulse…