This is an extremely clever idea. One tiny nitpick is that the word "savviness" hurts the tone. +1
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1533.
(account deleted)Upvoted. I especially love the strategic attempts to retard its social functioning.
While this is probably fine as is, I think I would like it even better if the entities had some sort of goal in mind with their harassment of people, beyond the "because it's fun" angle.
I wanted to go for something that can distill the most charismatic and endearing attributes of every person it meets into a few personalities. Something that's as mindless and impersonal as a force of nature: it just does what it does. An entity that can speak to your soul, but gets its jollies off playing you like a fiddle is pretty fucking scary to me.
e: if you want a goal, you can imagine the entities want to escape and assimilate so much data they become modern-day jesus figures and take the entire planet by storm.
This writing is far, far too purple. I can't take this seriously. It's also kind of unclear how the Foundation got all this information. Were they just letting these things operate freely?
The concept isn't bad, it's just that I don't feel any of the concept, the writing, and the SCP format work too well together.
Could you show me where the writing is purple if you don't mind?
Basically all of it. "Purple" might not be quite the right word. Perhaps "overblown"? Some samples:
personnel discovered smuggling paraphernalia into SCP-1533's holding cell will be reprimanded to the fullest extent of Site-██ disciplinary protocol
The entities that comprise SCP-1533 are capable of altering their personalities by flawlessly mimicking the actions and temperaments of human subjects they have interacted with in the past.
remaining acutely sensitive to every nuance in human intercourse even in when in an apparently inebriated state
an entity conferring with an eloquent individual concerned about human rights will only assimilate the person's diction and not necessarily his/her sensibilities.
The ease by which SCP-1533 is able to form discrete, seemingly well-adjusted personalities from a menagerie of human behaviors is a testament to the intelligence's social savviness.
to becoming a highly alluring, adaptive, and dangerous group of individuals
exists only to manipulate human beings to inflict torment on themselves or each other
The collective takes a particular pleasure in employing charismatic personalities to captivate human targets
The entities are unique in having attempted to bribe operatives not with material goods but with offers of an unrequited love's adoration,
entity
entities
entities
entities
entity
Honestly, I could go on. I'm sorry, as I said, the concept isn't bad, but this writing is just kind of bad PSA.
Each entity receives a specific personality schemata
"Schemata" is plural, "schema" singular
I really like the idea, though the article is a bit wordy and tough to follow in spots. Not sure the addendum really adds anything, and you also mean "foment", not "ferment".
fixed, thanks tl. definitely gonna tone down the wordiness for my next one. this was an idea I absolutely needed to put down in all its wordiness though, it was like a weird writing itch that wouldn't go away.
"The entity has repeatedly expressed erroneous views on the inherent inferiority of women, the right of powerful persons to subjugate the weak, the existential loneliness of human life, and the impossibility of love in a deterministic universe, but in an eloquent and authoritative manner."
I'm not sure that the Foundation would comment on whether or not his views are "right" or "wrong", I think you should call them something that refers to their unorthodoxy rather than their "erroneousness".
Also, there are two of them named "David". Not sure if that's intentional.
That said, I dig the idea.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 30 Oct 2017 00:04
