New SCP idea, hopefully a bit better then my last one. Any comments?
"Euclid", not "Euculid".
"variable" not "varible"
"recorded" not "recoreded"
"from here on" doesn't seem necessary.
Also explain what you mean by "basic emotional responses".
"from unknown", not "froom unknowns"
Also this whole thing just seems a bit too silly. I think a bit of reworking could make it pass as a j, though.
Thanks for finding the mistakes.
As for the silliness thing- are you sure? I mean, it's odd, yes, but after all the "tooth clouds" and "teeth cities" it's still about being taken to an alternate world where machines drug you, tear out your teeth and eventually breed you in factory farms for them. I don't think that's silly, and it's definitely not funny
Nearly exhaustive critique follows:
One big, big, big problem with this idea — arguably the only problem that even really matters — is that there is already a tooth-fairy-related SCP (SCP-478), and a tooth-fairy-related tale (Teeth, Dearie), both of which are pretty damned creepy. Your piece will almost certainly be compared to them, and they're better than I think this idea can be. Which is not to say you shouldn't try anyway, just to note that you're setting yourself up against some pretty serious competition and need to sandbox and solicit feedback accordingly.
Right, thanks for that. A few points- the holes are supposed to be tubes to put the teeth into, but i realise I didn't make this clear. Also, I assumed it would break tone for someone to go "ah, a tooth fairy!". The camera thing is a bit of a plot hole, as is the "tooth as building material" idea, I'll need to think about those. I had the problem with the picture, but i couldn't think of any way to deal with it, and couldn't find any other pictures.
As for the two SCPs (well, one and one tale) you mentioned, I don't see much of a similarity- yes, they're both entities related to teeth, but 478 does something entirely different to mine (indeed, pretty much the exact opposite) and The Toothed Goddess is more about a kind of- I don't know, personal desire for teeth for no known reason, while this is more a tooth industry
Edit- I've made some changes based on your criticisms. Any better?
I didn't mean that people will accuse you of duplication of existing work, necessarily, just that there are enough similarities between the two that you'll be inviting comparisons. Your SCP and the Toothed Goddess are both forcibly taking teeth from people; the main difference is that the latter forces the victims to do it to themselves, and appears to have no particular objective beyond the pain inflicted. 478 is indeed doing pretty close to the exact opposite, but teeth are a specific enough obsession for an SCP to have that I think 478 will still come to mind.
It probably would break tone for someone to explicitly name-check the tooth fairy (though there might be ways to get around that that I'm not thinking of), but at the same time, an entity that leaves coins in exchange for teeth really ought to bring her to mind. The only way around that that I can think of would be to make it something other than coins, but that opens up a whole new problem. I'm also not entirely clear on why they're bothering with payment for the teeth in the first place. Any entity powerful enough to just take teeth from people by force whenever it wants to is powerful enough to take teeth without providing compensation.
I've also just had another thought, which is that there's a second, unaddressed source of teeth on Earth, which is all the remains of dead people and animals. I know if I were an extradimensional robot made of teeth that needed more teeth in order to build my civilization, I'd be looking into ways to get at those. I mean, the savings on nitrous oxide alone. And corpses don't struggle (usually).
Response to edits:
You now have "deliberatelyattempt" as a single word.
Nitrous oxide is inhaled, not injected.
Should be 15% of cases.
A few sentences end without any punctuation. ("removed by the robots for unknown reasons" and "a large amount of silver glitter") Not sure if those are supposed to be unfinished or not.
I added something about corpses, because that does make sense, although note that teeth from corpses are more likely to be damaged and/or decayed then those from the living, and are likely harder to get to ( being buried or in dangerous places, for example).
As for the coins, I just thought it fit in with the whole tooth fairy idea, and it's not much stranger then the behavior of many other SCPs.
So- Does anyone think this is ready for posting?