Didn't get a whole lot of feedback on the draft, but here goes.
Date: 24 Jul 2012 05:28
Number of posts: 27
RSS: New posts
Given that it's on this site, I knew something bad was going to happen to poor little Abby, but damn, that feeling of creeping dread was great. The "hit her head on a jungle gym now people want to murder her" thing didn't really click as an origin story for 053, but overall, I really liked it. +1
edit: It seems a bit odd that it's not Blackbox Sawicki. Seems like something the Foundation would do out of habit, but whatevs. Just noting.
Redactions and black boxes display a lack of clearance to know this information. On the wiki, a reader takes it from level 2 to O5 Approved. Or so it seems at least. There's no real reason to do it here. Or reason not to. Unimportant bit of data.
I didn't really want to present the emails as recovered documents, and I thought it would be odd to censor the names in the recovery log if the reader already knew them.
See my post on the next page.
This is great. I agree the whole "falling on her head things turns her into 053" didn't ring entirely true to me, but I was able to suspend my disbelief pretty easily. This tale made me fall in love with the SCP, so it did that much. +1.
If he's writing to his mother then why would he send that last e-mail? It seems like that's his 'crazy' message but would it make sense for him to even type it up rather than just killing them?
He wasn't thinking straight and he had been talking to his mother throughout so maybe he just felt like he needed to tell her. But now that I think of it there might be a better way to incorporate the last message. If others think that would be for the best I'll change it.
The same goes for the origin of 053's effects if more people aren't feeling it. I was kind of thinking "The accident should have killed her, but something's keeping her alive. Subconsciously, people know this, and want to correct it, but whatever's keeping her alive isn't going down easy."
"The accident should have killed her, but something's keeping her alive. Subconsciously, people know this, and want to correct it, but whatever's keeping her alive isn't going down easy."
Congratulations on giving -053 a fear factor.
No child could every replace Abby in her heart, of course.
This line confused me (and contains a typo). It's just such an obvious thing — of course a woman who works with other people's children is still going to feel more devoted to her own — that I felt there had to be some underlying reason that he said it. Add to that the fact that "no one will replace them in my heart" is a common phrasing when someone's lost somebody, and it left me with the impression that Abby had already died and the parents were aware of it on some level despite the illusion that she was still there.
I read he first 'wrong' and I -knew- what was happening immediately. Still, a good ride. Tempted to write a tale about this tale but I'm not sure if that's even feasible? haha.
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
Does this mean I have permission?
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
My interpretation is that 053 would've turned into, well, what she is anyway, but the accident just coincided with when her properties began to manifest. Correlation is not causation, after all.
Which actually leads to a more disturbing realization that we, as human beings, are so desperate for there to be a reason for things being the way they are that we immediately jump to conclusions instead of being willing to say "there is no meaning behind this, it just is."
Giving bearhugs to the unsuspecting since 1872.
You know what bugs me? Those e-mail addresses.
Whose addresses are those? Do they belong to someone? Will they belong to someone someday? Are you exposing that person to harassment from random assholes who find e-mail addresses in Foundation Tales and write to them?
Don't spoil it for everyone!
Also, a massive, shadowy foundation would have its own email addresses and intranet services. I mean, even hospitals and school systems have those. There's no excuse for the Foundation not to have it.