So I've been working on this, and I'd like your opinion on what should or shouldn't be changed :)
DR MALCOM: Ok, bring out the cheese, please.
ASSISTANT: He's a poet and he didn't even know it.
Unless this is a joke SCP take it out
There's quite a lot I would recommend taking out unless it's a joke SCP, actually. For instance:
ASSISTANT1 [Smacking lips]: 'E's made of Edam.
Overall it's far too light in tone to be fitting. It would make for a pretty good joke SCP, though.
I don't think turning this into a joke is the way to go, or what the others meant for you to do. Apart from some errors in tone, your current containment and description make for a perfectly good mainlist SCP, it's just that your logs are a bit light hearted. Not funny, though. And at the moment, they really do very little to add to your SCP or make it creepier.
There's nothing wrong presenting your researchers as less cold and more human, but lines like "He's a poet and he didn't even know it" just come across as… well… cheesy.
I hate myself.
Er…why? (The poet-know-it thing is cheesy.)
I do not find it cheesy though, this is from the fact that there are cheesy people who use cheesy phrases. I find it to add a bit of reality, considering the assistant could be a newcomer. Although the tone and mindset changed at the last part where the doctor begins to sound inexperienced than the assistant.
Thank you for the comments. I'm not sure about making it a joke scp now (I guess the only joke is that it really is cheesey, isn't it?), but I shall see what I can do with the tone.
The problem is that the logs aren't particularly realistic or convincing. Actually, it's been much improved since I first read it, but still I really think it's going to be difficult to pull off a log which doesn't detract from the suspense built by a decent description, which would be a shame. (Incidentally, this is roughly what killed my recent article, so I'm speaking from experience). My advice would be to delete them completely and make your description really nice and intense. If you do keep the logs, they really need to be a lot more fleshed out so they really add something, not just "Ok, let's start the experiment. Whoops, dead."
As for the cheesiness/ light hearted tone of researchers, I've just thought of another angle to it: How can you expect your reader to treat your creation with fear and respect if the people who are standing right next to it don't? I think it would really be better for the suspense if your researchers react to the bugs like they're a live bomb, rather than standing around making jokes.