SCP Foundation

Hey hey people, I've got an article that I've had sitting on the shelf for more than half a year now that could use some (or a lot of) outside crit:

http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/freemayne (First tab)

Apart from the usual grammar/spelling/formatting/tone crit, some spots I think may be trouble:

Is the Abridged Test Log too long/uninteresting?
Does the final test suspend disbelief too much?
Is the interview too on-the-nose?
Is the overall tone too grim to be semi-believable?

That, and any other crit you can think of, is greatly appreciated as always.

Okay, here we go. Disclaimer: I'm fighting off a nasty cold, so my mental capacity isn't up to usual. Here are my thoughts on a quick read:

• That's a heck of a lot of collapsible content, and as someone who greatly prefers shorter reads, I have to say seeing so much text is a huge reader deterrent for me.
• "Due to its continued cooperation with Foundation staff and overall low threat level, SCP-XXXX is permitted to roam any area of Site-37's Upsilon Complex available to staff with Level 0 clearance when accompanied by at least one security officer." > I really don't buy this. There's no reason to give this guy a security clearance when he's not a Foundation employee and doesn't receive any of the training, orientations, and knowledge of disciplinary measures that every other Foundation employee gets.

I admit I lost interest in reading halfway into the test logs. They got pretty predictable, especially since it's stated fairly early that the thing's gimmick is "invulnerable to physical damage".

I dunno. I feel like there's a lot of potential for some great tale material here, but I personally felt cheated at the end by the Foundation just amnesticizing the dude's mother and letting him completely break down and let her continue to think the guy's dead. I feel like there are a lot of other routes the Foundation could have taken, such as amnesticizing SCP-XXXX to make him forget the interview, or just bringing the guy's mother into Foundation custody under the guise of witness protection or something (I mean, if she thought he died in a fatal robbery, there's some basis for danger noted) and allowing regular visits. The Foundation can be cold, yes, but I'm pretty sure there would be at least one psychologist would would be saying, "this is a terrible idea".

I really dunno. You have solid story potential here. It just feels convoluted (the excessive time spent on the dudes abilities, which are pretty much already well-defined in the description) and contrived (the "list of things I'll miss" tipped me off to the inevitable suicide, which could have definitely been handled better) towards the end.

I feel like this could be a great tale, if you trimmed out all the stats dumps and the pushy emotional scenes.