my tenth item. a little palate cleanser.
thank you to everyone in chat that helped me go over this.
and thank you, reader, for being there. ♥
my tenth item. a little palate cleanser.
thank you to everyone in chat that helped me go over this.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisgold/16050916726/
and
https://www.flickr.com/photos/biwook/3562997135
i do not own these images. i am merely borrowing them.
and thank you, reader, for being there. ♥
Yes, +1 all the way.
This was awesome all the way. Loved the interviews especially.
Also I'm a geek not a nerd.
It's not a party until you summon a lesser demon.
First off, props on the dialogue. Good, believable dialogue is tough, but you pull it off here.
That said, parts a little wonky. Why are they actively trying to destroy him? The Foundation contains, not destroys. If that wasn't their first attempt, and they started with lesser effects and worked their way up to the shotgun, that should be more apparent in the article.
Also, I feel like there should be more alarm about the fact that this guy is apparently omniscient. The Foundation takes threats to their security very seriously, and this SCP threatens to know all of it. Given that total containment in a completely secure facility is a bit difficult, I could see this being Euclid.
Speaking of which, an omniscient individual who is basically human and seems to be reasonable and friendly to the Foundation almost feels a little too easy, tonally. I wouldn't mind hints that he's a bit more alien, or alternatively hints that his knowledge isn't quite as complete as he implies. Something to dial back the power level a little bit.
Anywho, issues aside I still enjoyed the read. +1
EDIT: I also realized this has a lot in common with The Shining, albeit without the sinister tilt. Just something to be aware of.
This was going to be an enthusiastic upvote prior to the final log, but it nearly made me neutral vote. I have nothing against thaumiel reclassification when the situation warrants it, but I don't believe it suits this story. The focus on personal interactions and the meaning they hold is lost by converting him into a magic search engine. Getting rid of the final log entirely would make this far better, as the end of Steph's log was a perfect end point imo.
I agree with the stylistic issue, but you'd also need to remove everything about him knowing tactically relevant information, because otherwise you'd have readers rightfully wondering why the Foundation doesn't try and use him to gather intel.
I think maybe if you just limited his knowledge to be about the personal lives of his patrons, it could be cool. Maybe there's a specific rule against high level personnel entering, since he could learn extremely classified and sensitive information (sort of like the plot of Serenity).
Those lineless interviews are freaking me out, gotta be honest.
I've never honestly been to a bar myself, but I really appreciate what's going on here. I do agree that the final interview made me hesitate, at least. I think this would be just fine without it. Upvote though, because I know good skips when I see 'em.
welp, that's the last straw as far as i'm concerned. slashing the final interview and editing accordingly, in accordance with popular request. i didn't really want it in there in the first place, tbh. a bad read of the community's standards on my part.
and now no one will know of the mistakes i've made, ahahahaha
I'm honestly surprised we don't already have one of these. Like, this is brilliant in its simplicity. This is Series I if ever I've seen it, but not in a bad way. This is cool.
Edit: personally, if I'd written it, this would absolutely be a place personnel could go when off-duty. There'd just be someone around to make sure no one dipped into info outside their clearance level, or maybe look into getting Jack to sign an NDA.
Yeah this strikes me as a great set-piece for tales. In fact…
If it'd been written 6 or 7 years ago, it'd probably be an icon of Series I.