SCP Foundation

http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/strangely-normal

Hopefully it isn't terrible, but in any event a very first draft ever is always bound to need work! Specific questions;

• Is the concept sufficiently original, interesting etc. If not, what could be modified about it.
• Does it flow well? I had issues with the order of information and am a tad worried it feels as though it jumps from concept to concept.
• Are the technical descriptions, basic as they are, believable? How can I add more detail without a) saturating the reader in jargon and stats and b) getting all the terminology utterly wrong?

but obviously I wanna hear all the criticisms you have, and also to hear any bits that work well.

Okay, I took a quick skim of this. Disclaimer: I've been really sick the last week and I'm not completely recovered, so my mental capacity isn't where it normally is yet.

Is the concept sufficiently original, interesting etc. If not, what could be modified about it.

I would have to say no. It seems to be a wheelchair that does terrible things to able-bodied people, and also gives hallucinations/nightmares… for some reason? I personally would need to see more of a reason why all this terrible stuff happens, rather than the item just being horrible for the sake of being horrible. We already have a lot of articles that describe body horror in plenty of detail (most of those popular ones written 8+ years ago rely heavily on detailed body horror) and this doesn't stand out well to me.

Does it flow well? I had issues with the order of information and am a tad worried it feels as though it jumps from concept to concept.

It flows okay, but the whole of the article seems pretty bland, so that in itself is less of a concern than the concept itself. I recommend getting the base idea polished up in the Ideas and Brainstorming forum before you try fixing the draft.

Are the technical descriptions, basic as they are, believable? How can I add more detail without a) saturating the reader in jargon and stats and b) getting all the terminology utterly wrong?

I'd say they're believable, but I kind of glanced over most of the detail because I'm not a big fan of long descriptions that basically amount to "also some horrifying painful stuff happens to the victims". So far as terminology goes, you can always consult research sources to see how real professionals would describe the conditions.

The expungment, however, needs work. I feel like in the first instance you could use [REDACTED] or just blackboxes (since it's a name that was censored, yeah?) and the rest should be taken out or reworked entirely because they feel kind of like authorial cop-outs expecting the reader to fill in the interesting information on their own. I recommend reading over this guide on interesting expungment for some tips.

I don't think it's QUITE complete yet. It feels like there's more of a story behind this thing. In fact, as soon as I started reading, I kept thinking of Busby's Chair (check it out if you've not heard of it). It's got potential, but it just isn't there yet. Now granted, I may have misread some of it so do correct me if I'm mistaken.

If the wheelchair belonged to someone who checked it, why was it suddenly a danger? Was there some factor that somehow triggered the anomaly? Also, I think you mentioned that no two people received the same injuries. You may have to go more into that, as it seems that overlap of SOME sort would happen eventually. Does disability cover pregnancy (actually I'm personally just curious about how the SCP handles pregnancy)? What specific TYPES of disabilities allows immunity to this SCP? There are emotional, psychological, physical, but then there's visual, audible, vocal, cancer, etc. There are so many things that can be considered a disability but would seem odd in connection to the wheelchair. I think it needs a little more investigative storyteling/backtory, and some more specific clarifications within the context. Does that make sense?

That makes perfect sense, yes. The issue of what disabilities the chair does and doesn't accept is particularly glaring now you mention it! So thank you. Between yourself and some comments I got going to the brainstorming forum I'm starting to get a much better feel of a story forming here.

Let's have a look, author.

Feedback over, good luck!